Schoolyard Jokester Gifts

'No, he's right. Cows have three udders. One for skim milk, one for two percent and the third one's for lactose free.'

"I will not lick the principal, I will not lick the principal, I will not lick the principal, I will not lick the principal, I will not lick the principal."

Teacher pointing to P,Q, on board: "OK class, which letter comes next? Redbeard, you should know this."

"If a third grader knows the answer, how much of a problem can it really be?"

Harry Potter learns some 'new tricks' on his first day enrolled in a public school.

"So, what's gonna be your favorite class?"

'Right, who threw that?' (giant pupil in class).

"He said he doesn't want to see me in his office again..."

"I lost my taste for his homework when it came burned on a CD."

"Where were you between 4 and 6?"

"I flunked out of cooking school. Even the dog won't eat my homework."

'In Show and Tell today, I showed my birthmark! I got expelled!'

"I'm sorry. I don't have yours. My dog ate your homework."

'You're flunking me? -- What about the statute of limitations?'

"Some school - They teach us about the Fifth Amendment, but they won't let us use it on TESTS!"

'School was really exciting today -- they busted up a meth lab in chemistry class.'

"I got all Z's because I fell asleep in class."

"Because when you're drafted by the pros, you'll have to be able to sign your contract. That's why you have to attend first grade."

'Hi Dad. I want you to meet Mr. Hacketal, my attorney.'

Monitor lizard becomes milk monitor.

"A simple note from your mother would have sufficed, Tommy."

"I think the teacher who says that I got into trouble today is part of the fake news conspiracy."

'Ms. Blumter, please get me a copy of Educational Leadership for Dummies.'

"I DO have a note from my doctor...but nobody can read it!"

'I thought chemistry experiments were after lunch.'

'I don't think much to faith school dinners.'

"The principal has sat in on so many of my classes, I'm thinking of giving him the exam."

SEX EDUCATION, 'It's a crazy idea, but it just might work.'

'I think the computer has a crush on me. It asked me to remain after class.'

"I thought those D's meant dedicated!"

'Sorry mum, I had a brain freeze during the test...'

'A boy at school was named after his father. They've called him Dad.'

"... And don't come back until you're ready to get funny."

"If I can't use a calculator, may I use my Dad's old slide-rule?"