Schoolyard Satirist Gifts

'I would appreciate it if you don't call out in class.'

"I won't be donating my tech billions to this school."

"Looking at these results, nobody could possibly accuse you of taking performance 'Enhancing' drugs!"

'You realize, don't you, that you are playing fast and loose with my self esteem?'

"I will not lick the principal, I will not lick the principal, I will not lick the principal, I will not lick the principal, I will not lick the principal."

"If a third grader knows the answer, how much of a problem can it really be?"

Harry Potter learns some 'new tricks' on his first day enrolled in a public school.

"So, what's gonna be your favorite class?"

'Simpson! Stop causing low-level disruption in class now!'

'Right, who threw that?' (giant pupil in class).

"I lost my taste for his homework when it came burned on a CD."

What do MD and PHD mean? It means the doctor owes a lot of money in student loans.

"Where were you between 4 and 6?"

"I flunked out of cooking school. Even the dog won't eat my homework."

"I sincerely hope you learned a lesson this time, Mark. Drawing cartoons on your homework will get you nowhere in life."

'The reason the core curriculum seems so ambiguous is that we dot really have a core curriculum.'

'I have answers to the kind of questions no one likes to ask.'

'School was really exciting today -- they busted up a meth lab in chemistry class.'

'Hi Dad. I want you to meet Mr. Hacketal, my attorney.'

"Some school - They teach us about the Fifth Amendment, but they won't let us use it on TESTS!"

"Tell me, Frankie, what time is it?"

Monitor lizard becomes milk monitor.

"A simple note from your mother would have sufficed, Tommy."

'Ms. Blumter, please get me a copy of Educational Leadership for Dummies.'

"I DO have a note from my doctor...but nobody can read it!"

'I thought chemistry experiments were after lunch.'

'I think the computer has a crush on me. It asked me to remain after class.'

"... And don't come back until you're ready to get funny."

'This will be tough. The parents can handle Bs and Cs, but I really gotta spin this D in math.'

"I thought those D's meant dedicated!"

'We can't get rid of her - she has tenure.'

'Child labor laws don't apply to homework, Jimmy.'

'It's in case I need a laugh track.'

'Division is just like addition except you have to use a different button on the calculator.'

"Guess what. School is presented without commercial interruption."