School Life Satirist Gifts

'I demand diplomatic immunity... I'm class president.'

"My parents told me it was boarding school."

Making home school real: 'I'm the bully who comes by twice a week to take your kid's lunch money!'

"What's the answer to the first question? And the second? And the third? And..."

'I was expelled from school for a hate crime -- I told a little moron joke!'

'You'll have to bring in your own refrigerator.'

"I sincerely hope you learned a lesson this time, Mark. Drawing cartoons on your homework will get you nowhere in life."

Students renaming 'in' and 'out' trays with 'shake it all about'.

'Ms Phipps! Joey accidentally brought his grandmother's cream cheese and cucumber sandwich for lunch! Call 911!'

NBC unveils its new spin-off series: 'High School Fear Factor.'

'Orson made school bully.'

Ethics exam cheater.

'I got 100 in school today. 50 in history and 50 in maths.'

'Simpson! Stop causing low-level disruption in class now!'

What do MD and PHD mean? It means the doctor owes a lot of money in student loans.

"Of course I failed you — your essay was original and unique and obviously written by a human."

'The reason the core curriculum seems so ambiguous is that we dot really have a core curriculum.'

'I have answers to the kind of questions no one likes to ask.'

'We built this city on Rock 'n' Roll, yeah baby. Is not an accurate assessment of our town's history.'

"Tell me, Frankie, what time is it?"

"And just how do you expect to become a made man, son, without a solid liberal-arts education?"

"... And don't come back until you're ready to get funny."

"If you do well in your first practicum, you can move on to teaching real children."

'Child labor laws don't apply to homework, Jimmy.'

"11th Grade Math for Nincompoops"

"Guess what. School is presented without commercial interruption."

Back to school: The Horror,

'The first person to learn anything leaves immediately!'

"I wish every teacher came with a warning label."

'No Mis Evans. You know only substitute teachers are allowed to carry taser guns!'

"When I said my teacher had no class I meant class was canceled."

"Every sixth grade substitute is offered an optional cyanide pill."

"I don't know about you, but I don't like being a high school guidance counselor."

'A restaurateur prepares macaroni and sells it as pasta. I want you to do the same for the educational program at your school.'

"I try to keep my classes relevant."