Student Life Satirist Gifts

'I got 100 in school today. 50 in history and 50 in maths.'

Breakfast at Universities

Ethics exam cheater.

'Our admission policy is now simplicity itself. If you have the tuition, you're in.'

Molecular Biology and Cosmology buildings

'Simpson! Stop causing low-level disruption in class now!'

What do MD and PHD mean? It means the doctor owes a lot of money in student loans.

"I sincerely hope you learned a lesson this time, Mark. Drawing cartoons on your homework will get you nowhere in life."

"Professor, we need you to stop. The Student Union has decided that the earth is flat."

'The reason the core curriculum seems so ambiguous is that we dot really have a core curriculum.'

'I have answers to the kind of questions no one likes to ask.'

"Tell me, Frankie, what time is it?"

T.S. Eliot lacks the courage to eat a peach.

"And just how do you expect to become a made man, son, without a solid liberal-arts education?"

"... And don't come back until you're ready to get funny."

"If you do well in your first practicum, you can move on to teaching real children."

'Yes, your papers seem to have lots of citations, but I've checked: They're all self-citations...'

'Thirty years in academia and all I got was this chair.'

'Child labor laws don't apply to homework, Jimmy.'

"Guess what. School is presented without commercial interruption."

'The first person to learn anything leaves immediately!'

Back to school: The Horror,

"What did you study in school today, Gracie?"

'If asked, we should all agree that this seminar never happened.'

"I don't know about you, but I don't like being a high school guidance counselor."

Monkey Business College

"When I said my teacher had no class I meant class was canceled."

'No Mis Evans. You know only substitute teachers are allowed to carry taser guns!'

"Every sixth grade substitute is offered an optional cyanide pill."

'I didn't exactly write the article, but...well, I didn't exactly do the research either.'

'Trevor, it's some gentlemen to see you about your student loan.'

'We need a biology instructor, Darwin, and you're the natural selection.'

Rapunzel as a child.

'I wish you had chosen a more pertinent educational issue than 'Do Dogs Actually Eat Homework?''

"Maybe school's a good thing... I mean...where else do hundreds of people with similar backgrounds come together under one roof...all following a daily routine...with guidance and supervision to better themselves and society? Ya know...besides prison?"