University Life Satire Gifts

I tried to take eighteen credits.

'Our admission policy is now simplicity itself. If you have the tuition, you're in.'

Molecular Biology and Cosmology buildings

'I got 100 in school today. 50 in history and 50 in maths.'

Need Supercomputer to finish my PhD, Please Help.

'Simpson! Stop causing low-level disruption in class now!'

"I sincerely hope you learned a lesson this time, Mark. Drawing cartoons on your homework will get you nowhere in life."

"Professor, we need you to stop. The Student Union has decided that the earth is flat."

"Tell me, Frankie, what time is it?"

T.S. Eliot lacks the courage to eat a peach.

'Thirty years in academia and all I got was this chair.'

'Yes, your papers seem to have lots of citations, but I've checked: They're all self-citations...'

"What did you study in school today, Gracie?"

'The first person to learn anything leaves immediately!'

'In the future, everyone will have fifteen minutes of tenure.'

'If asked, we should all agree that this seminar never happened.'

'Too many students taking Mickey Mouse subjects.'

Monkey Business College

'I didn't exactly write the article, but...well, I didn't exactly do the research either.'

'Trevor, it's some gentlemen to see you about your student loan.'

'We need a biology instructor, Darwin, and you're the natural selection.'

'I wish you had chosen a more pertinent educational issue than 'Do Dogs Actually Eat Homework?''

"I've got news for you. Kids don't have a union and doing your homework is not negotiable."

Cash For Places - Penbroke College

Students renaming 'in' and 'out' trays with 'shake it all about'.

Breakfast at Universities

'When I was your age, an 'A' did not stand for 'adequate'.'

'Don't I even get to enter a plea?'

'Ms Phipps! Joey accidentally brought his grandmother's cream cheese and cucumber sandwich for lunch! Call 911!'

'I'm sorry, Professor Johnson is not picking up. I can put you through to the equally eccentric Professor Williams if you would like?'

'Ann, you're the best graduate student I have, so I'm going to blame some faulty research on you.'

'Today I have dumbed-down philosophy, followed by dumbed-down chemistry and dumbed-down English lit.'

"You like woodwork class then, son?"

'...All I can say is, the judge was adamant about his gag order on the case.'

'It's all a load of Voltaire!'