University Life Humorist Gifts

'Thirty years in academia and all I got was this chair.'

Grad School Parent-Teacher Conference

'It's rather unorthodox, but it appears the deposit refund on the empties will cover your first interest payment.'

"Yes Dad, I passed math and now I'm passing chemistry and physics."

'I got 100 in school today. 50 in history and 50 in maths.'

'I'm majoring in communication and minoring in pizza delivery - What about you?'

'So what are you studying, young man?'

Finally I understand why it's called 'Higher Education!'

'When I was studying animal husbandry, I met the animal who became my husband.'

"I'm taking 'moving back in with the parents' studies."

'I see you have extensive experience eating, sleeping, and mating. That puts you two steps ahead of all the college graduates who have applied.'

"What did you study in school today, Gracie?"

Back to school: The Horror,

Dear folks. Well, you were right; being the prettiest gator of the Everglades hasn't helped me one bit.'

'In the future, everyone will have fifteen minutes of tenure.'

"Professor Van Winkle, the university has instituted Reevaluation of Tenure, time to wake up."

College of Liberal (not in the political snese) arts.

Southwick College: Basically, for the most part, usually - a meritocracy.

"Graduates, faculty, parents, creditors..."

'Wow, that sounds rigorous. What are the prerequisites for living in my mom's basement?'

'Dude, you gotta lay off the Mac n' Cheese!'

Rapunzel as a child.

Breakfast at Universities

'When I was your age, an 'A' did not stand for 'adequate'.'

Undergraduate and don

"Mom says teachers wear many hats. . . and I can't wear just one??"

"I've got news for you. Kids don't have a union and doing your homework is not negotiable."

'I saw the school nurse put that sign up.'

"My mom wants you to dispense my happy pill just before I get on the bus for home."

'I'm sorry...we're not sure you're self obsessed enough.'

'Today I have dumbed-down philosophy, followed by dumbed-down chemistry and dumbed-down English lit.'

"4 out of 3 people struggle with math"