University Humorist Gifts

"Graduates, faculty, parents, creditors..."

"Professor Van Winkle, the university has instituted Reevaluation of Tenure, time to wake up."

"Phil's a living legend on this campus. His last grant proposal won a Pulitzer."

Undergraduate and don

"I wanted to deliver a message of hope and tolerance in a complex global society but I decided to update them on the Kardashians instead."

'And remember, your success will be measured by how much you donate to the university's alumni fund.'

'So what are you studying, young man?'

'Your bill.'

Girl sees two vending machines: 'Pop' and 'Culture'

'I came to university to get an education and all I've acquired is debt.'

"Sorry, this is NOT a school, it is a university: we have an entrance exam..."

"I'm shocked and appalled at fraudulent applicants bribing their way in here!"

Breakfast at Universities

Freshers Week

"I still haven't decided if I want to be unemployed as an English major or as a Communications major."

'It's rather unorthodox, but it appears the deposit refund on the empties will cover your first interest payment.'

College. Did you pick a major yet? I'm doing a double major in art and logic --- I want to draw my own conclusions!

"Yes Dad, I passed math and now I'm passing chemistry and physics."

Math 101, for those who can only count to 100.

'Poor Kleinzweck -- his working hypothesis got laid off.'

'It says I missed freshmen Orientation and I have to take it in summer school in order to graduate.'

'I hope I run out of money before I flunk out.'

'I'm majoring in communication and minoring in pizza delivery - What about you?'

'The sound of one hand clapping.'

'Mirror, mirror, on the wall, who is the fairest algologist of all?'

'I didn't think of it as someone else writing my term paper, I thought of it more as a guest blogger situation.'

Finally I understand why it's called 'Higher Education!'

An Enquiry Concerning Human Understanding as written and as it would have been written if David Hume had invested in a word processor,

Rita's PhD defense wasn't going well."

'When I was studying animal husbandry, I met the animal who became my husband.'

"I'm taking 'moving back in with the parents' studies."

Don't you hate...

'I'm on the short degree course... hell of a lot to pack into one year!'

'There are no stupid questions, so let's also agree there are no stupid answers.'

Peer-reviewed journal publication.