University Humorist Gifts

"Graduates, faculty, parents, creditors..."

"Professor Van Winkle, the university has instituted Reevaluation of Tenure, time to wake up."

Undergraduate and don

'And remember, your success will be measured by how much you donate to the university's alumni fund.'

'So what are you studying, young man?'

'Your bill.'

Girl sees two vending machines: 'Pop' and 'Culture'

'I came to university to get an education and all I've acquired is debt.'

"Sorry, this is NOT a school, it is a university: we have an entrance exam..."

"I'm shocked and appalled at fraudulent applicants bribing their way in here!"

Breakfast at Universities

Freshers Week

"I still haven't decided if I want to be unemployed as an English major or as a Communications major."

'It's rather unorthodox, but it appears the deposit refund on the empties will cover your first interest payment.'

"Yes Dad, I passed math and now I'm passing chemistry and physics."

Math 101, for those who can only count to 100.

'It says I missed freshmen Orientation and I have to take it in summer school in order to graduate.'

'Poor Kleinzweck -- his working hypothesis got laid off.'

'I hope I run out of money before I flunk out.'

'I'm majoring in communication and minoring in pizza delivery - What about you?'

'The sound of one hand clapping.'

'Mirror, mirror, on the wall, who is the fairest algologist of all?'

'I didn't think of it as someone else writing my term paper, I thought of it more as a guest blogger situation.'

Finally I understand why it's called 'Higher Education!'

'When I was studying animal husbandry, I met the animal who became my husband.'

An Enquiry Concerning Human Understanding as written and as it would have been written if David Hume had invested in a word processor,

Rita's PhD defense wasn't going well."

Don't you hate...

'I'm on the short degree course... hell of a lot to pack into one year!'

"I'm taking 'moving back in with the parents' studies."

'There are no stupid questions, so let's also agree there are no stupid answers.'

Peer-reviewed journal publication.

Physicists disputing whether the clock moves backwards or forwards according to season change.

'Thirty years in academia and all I got was this chair.'

Scientists continue their research on the Hippocampus.