Higher Education Humorist Gifts

Finally I understand why it's called 'Higher Education!'

'The average college graduate has $29,400 in student debt. How come you have $37,000?'

"The biggest difference between you and me is that I'm version 8.7 and you're still version 5.1."

'Hi, I understand you're having a hard time finding qualified minority students.'

'I came to university to get an education and all I've acquired is debt.'

The class of 2008 in 2068.

"It's all a scam! If we get a job after college, we'll have to pay off a big student loan debt and pay taxes."

Help. After Amassing Huge College Debt, I had To Dumb Down My Resume To Get A Job.

'It's rather unorthodox, but it appears the deposit refund on the empties will cover your first interest payment.'

College. Did you pick a major yet? I'm doing a double major in art and logic --- I want to draw my own conclusions!

"Yes Dad, I passed math and now I'm passing chemistry and physics."

'Poor Kleinzweck -- his working hypothesis got laid off.'

Freind: 'Misspelled, anything helps.'

'So what are you studying, young man?'

'I'm majoring in communication and minoring in pizza delivery - What about you?'

'The sound of one hand clapping.'

"Is this a 'GOTCHA' question?"

'Mirror, mirror, on the wall, who is the fairest algologist of all?'

"Here's to non-electric sharpeners."

'I didn't think of it as someone else writing my term paper, I thought of it more as a guest blogger situation.'

'It's basically a good master's thesis, but the word you want is 'serfs,' not 'smurfs.''

An Enquiry Concerning Human Understanding as written and as it would have been written if David Hume had invested in a word processor,

'When I was studying animal husbandry, I met the animal who became my husband.'

Math Teacher

Rita's PhD defense wasn't going well."

Four olives and a toothpick on Newton's Cradle.

Dept. of Engineering. It's a well-written paper, but a "gyroscope" is not a device for looking at tiny Greek sandwiches.

"Class, this is David. He's our new financial exchange student."

'There are no stupid questions, so let's also agree there are no stupid answers.'

Peer-reviewed journal publication.

Physicists disputing whether the clock moves backwards or forwards according to season change.

'Did you know there's a river in Brazil named after Amazon?'

'Thirty years in academia and all I got was this chair.'

'People, get a half-life!'

'I see you have extensive experience eating, sleeping, and mating. That puts you two steps ahead of all the college graduates who have applied.'