Higher Education Humorist Pillows

Finally I understand why it's called 'Higher Education!'

'The average college graduate has $29,400 in student debt. How come you have $37,000?'

"The biggest difference between you and me is that I'm version 8.7 and you're still version 5.1."

'Hi, I understand you're having a hard time finding qualified minority students.'

'I came to university to get an education and all I've acquired is debt.'

"It's all a scam! If we get a job after college, we'll have to pay off a big student loan debt and pay taxes."

Help. After Amassing Huge College Debt, I had To Dumb Down My Resume To Get A Job.

'It's rather unorthodox, but it appears the deposit refund on the empties will cover your first interest payment.'

"Yes Dad, I passed math and now I'm passing chemistry and physics."

'Poor Kleinzweck -- his working hypothesis got laid off.'

Freind: 'Misspelled, anything helps.'

'The sound of one hand clapping.'

'I'm majoring in communication and minoring in pizza delivery - What about you?'

'So what are you studying, young man?'

"Is this a 'GOTCHA' question?"

"Here's to non-electric sharpeners."

'Mirror, mirror, on the wall, who is the fairest algologist of all?'

'I didn't think of it as someone else writing my term paper, I thought of it more as a guest blogger situation.'

'It's basically a good master's thesis, but the word you want is 'serfs,' not 'smurfs.''

Math Teacher

An Enquiry Concerning Human Understanding as written and as it would have been written if David Hume had invested in a word processor,

'When I was studying animal husbandry, I met the animal who became my husband.'

Rita's PhD defense wasn't going well."

Four olives and a toothpick on Newton's Cradle.

"Class, this is David. He's our new financial exchange student."

'There are no stupid questions, so let's also agree there are no stupid answers.'

Peer-reviewed journal publication.

Physicists disputing whether the clock moves backwards or forwards according to season change.

'Thirty years in academia and all I got was this chair.'

'People, get a half-life!'

'I see you have extensive experience eating, sleeping, and mating. That puts you two steps ahead of all the college graduates who have applied.'

"Don't forget the nucleus has mass."

"The battle of Gettysburg? Uh. . . let me check my civil war app."

'I think I have aixelsyd.'

Professor McWit, crushed by an avalanche of Philosophy 101 texts, proves again that a little knowledge is a dangerous thing.