Higher Ed Humor Enthusiast Pillows

'Son, meet Hard Luck Sammy Fleabeard. He had the same major you're about to declare.'

'Hmph. College kids.'

"Of course I failed you — your essay was original and unique and obviously written by a human."

Finally I understand why it's called 'Higher Education!'

'Do years 4, 5 and 6 cover the other foot?'

"No, I'm not the first in my family to attend college. But I am the first at an Ivy."

"I'm taking 'moving back in with the parents' studies."

'And in conclusion.'

'Child labor laws don't apply to homework, Jimmy.'

'Physical or Social Science?'

'Spelling, math, history, geography --now the stupid school wants me to take a polygraph test!'

Dear folks. Well, you were right; being the prettiest gator of the Everglades hasn't helped me one bit.'

"Dad, the dean has gone over your financial statement, and he doesn't think you're working up to your full potential."

Chaos Theory Conference.

'In the future, everyone will have fifteen minutes of tenure.'

"Professor Williams had at first been reluctant to join the Assistant Deans in their Think Great Thoughts aerobics. He later came to enjoy the activity."

Books on running a successful school,

"And then after high school, I spent twelve years in college and majored in procrastination."

"As a summation of our work it's pretty accurate...apart from the beginning, middle and end of all the words in between!"

The Milbrook Verney chair in literature. The C.K. Frebish endowment for footnotes.

"I'd like to propose a bill to the effect that we can remain freshmen indefinitely."

'It's not a designer pin. It's actually a medal the Principal gave me for backing up my hard drive.'

Old McDonald, first grader, fails English.

Young man standing with hands in pockets because it is the fashion at his college

"Do you have this grant in a bigger size?"

"Your research is impressive, but you have too many original ideas to be credible..."

'I'm sorry, Professor Johnson is not picking up. I can put you through to the equally eccentric Professor Williams if you would like?'

'Today I have dumbed-down philosophy, followed by dumbed-down chemistry and dumbed-down English lit.'

"Why do I always get stuck with being the guardian angel to someone who can't seem to finish his Ph.D.?"

'What did you put down for the definition of plagiarism?'

"I'm honored to share my research at your virtual academic conference."

'Your evaluation is based on what you do in the next 30 seconds. Go!'

'My son is away at college, majoring in communications. He never calls and he never writes.'