University Humor Aficionado Pillows

'I was desperate, dear. I had to find a way to teach and do all my required publishing.'

'Hmph. College kids.'

'So what are you studying, young man?'

"Political Science... that's in the Department of Performing Arts."

"Of course I failed you — your essay was original and unique and obviously written by a human."

'The doctor says he's going to have to give you a few more tests...'

Finally I understand why it's called 'Higher Education!'

'I'm going to have to give up drinking and drugs when I leave uni - to pay off my bank loan.'

"I'm taking 'moving back in with the parents' studies."

"No, I'm not the first in my family to attend college. But I am the first at an Ivy."

'And in conclusion.'

'Thirty years in academia and all I got was this chair.'

'Physical or Social Science?'

"I wanted to deliver a message of hope and tolerance in a complex global society but I decided to update them on the Kardashians instead."

Dear folks. Well, you were right; being the prettiest gator of the Everglades hasn't helped me one bit.'

'Spelling, math, history, geography --now the stupid school wants me to take a polygraph test!'

"Dad, the dean has gone over your financial statement, and he doesn't think you're working up to your full potential."

Chaos Theory Conference.

"Professor Van Winkle, the university has instituted Reevaluation of Tenure, time to wake up."

College of Liberal (not in the political snese) arts.

"Professor Williams had at first been reluctant to join the Assistant Deans in their Think Great Thoughts aerobics. He later came to enjoy the activity."

Room-mate Homicides Waiting to Happen. . .

Books on running a successful school,

"Graduates, faculty, parents, creditors..."

The Milbrook Verney chair in literature. The C.K. Frebish endowment for footnotes.

"I'd like to propose a bill to the effect that we can remain freshmen indefinitely."

Undergraduate and don

Young man standing with hands in pockets because it is the fashion at his college

Breakfast at Universities

"Do you have this grant in a bigger size?"

"Your research is impressive, but you have too many original ideas to be credible..."

"In conclusion, I hope you all make plenty of money to donate to your alma mater."

"I guess we love Uni because we get to narrow our minds with like-minded people."

"This looks cool, Mum, a university offering a degree course in Greed."

"Why do I always get stuck with being the guardian angel to someone who can't seem to finish his Ph.D.?"