College Humor Aficionado Pillows

"I am dyslexic, parked in a faculty space and wore my roommate's t-shirt."

'Hmph. College kids.'

'It's rather unorthodox, but it appears the deposit refund on the empties will cover your first interest payment.'

"Yes Dad, I passed math and now I'm passing chemistry and physics."

'I'm majoring in communication and minoring in pizza delivery - What about you?'

"Political Science... that's in the Department of Performing Arts."

'The Great Depression? Didn't they have Prozac then?'

'Mutation and natural selection? - That sounds awfully STRESSFUL!'

'When I was studying animal husbandry, I met the animal who became my husband.'

'I'm going to have to give up drinking and drugs when I leave uni - to pay off my bank loan.'

"No, I'm not the first in my family to attend college. But I am the first at an Ivy."

"I'm taking 'moving back in with the parents' studies."

'I see you have extensive experience eating, sleeping, and mating. That puts you two steps ahead of all the college graduates who have applied.'

'How do you like that? We just get through the alphabet and she starts hauling in the heavy artillery!'

Dear folks. Well, you were right; being the prettiest gator of the Everglades hasn't helped me one bit.'

Monkey Business College

"If it really is a smartphone, why are my grades still lousy?"

Room-mate Homicides Waiting to Happen. . .

'Virgil is on the gymnastics team.'

Southwick College: Basically, for the most part, usually - a meritocracy.

'Wow, that sounds rigorous. What are the prerequisites for living in my mom's basement?'

'9K a year!? It's an outrage! At my level of attendance that's 3K per lecture!'

"I'd like to propose a bill to the effect that we can remain freshmen indefinitely."

'Yes, your son does ask questions in class but they're always 'Can I have the hall pass?'.'

'I'm sorry...we're not sure you're self obsessed enough.'

"In conclusion, I hope you all make plenty of money to donate to your alma mater."

"Student unicorn"

'I got a darn D-plus, and that's WITH cheating!'

Talk the talk...

'I've eaten so much homework that I'm starting to age in paper years.'

"I guess we love Uni because we get to narrow our minds with like-minded people."

Man sees college fraternity houses 'Kappa Phi', 'Aeta Epsalon' and then 'Beta Carotene', says, 'They major in nutrition.'

Teenage Vegetables