College Humor Aficionado Gifts

"I am dyslexic, parked in a faculty space and wore my roommate's t-shirt."

'Hmph. College kids.'

'It's rather unorthodox, but it appears the deposit refund on the empties will cover your first interest payment.'

College. Did you pick a major yet? I'm doing a double major in art and logic --- I want to draw my own conclusions!

"Yes Dad, I passed math and now I'm passing chemistry and physics."

'I'm majoring in communication and minoring in pizza delivery - What about you?'

"Political Science... that's in the Department of Performing Arts."

'The Great Depression? Didn't they have Prozac then?'

'When I was studying animal husbandry, I met the animal who became my husband.'

'I'm going to have to give up drinking and drugs when I leave uni - to pay off my bank loan.'

'Mutation and natural selection? - That sounds awfully STRESSFUL!'

"No, I'm not the first in my family to attend college. But I am the first at an Ivy."

"I'm taking 'moving back in with the parents' studies."

'How do you like that? We just get through the alphabet and she starts hauling in the heavy artillery!'

'I see you have extensive experience eating, sleeping, and mating. That puts you two steps ahead of all the college graduates who have applied.'

It makes no sense. The number of books that can be stored on a small device is constantly increasing, yet school kids seem to be lugging around bigger backpacks every year!

Dear folks. Well, you were right; being the prettiest gator of the Everglades hasn't helped me one bit.'

'Virgil is on the gymnastics team.'

"If it really is a smartphone, why are my grades still lousy?"

Room-mate Homicides Waiting to Happen. . .

Southwick College: Basically, for the most part, usually - a meritocracy.

Monkey Business College

'Wow, that sounds rigorous. What are the prerequisites for living in my mom's basement?'

Little known fact: I spent a semester at Reed College in Portland. "Little known facts" are supposed to be momentous. Well, the little known fact is, while I was there, I asked a lady out

'9K a year!? It's an outrage! At my level of attendance that's 3K per lecture!'

"I'd like to propose a bill to the effect that we can remain freshmen indefinitely."

'Yes, your son does ask questions in class but they're always 'Can I have the hall pass?'.'

'I'm sorry...we're not sure you're self obsessed enough.'

"In conclusion, I hope you all make plenty of money to donate to your alma mater."

'I got a darn D-plus, and that's WITH cheating!'

'You heard! There's no way I'm cooking for you!'

'I've eaten so much homework that I'm starting to age in paper years.'

"I guess we love Uni because we get to narrow our minds with like-minded people."

"Student unicorn"

Talk the talk...