College Humor Fan Gifts

'Hi, I'm from your alumni assocation, and I'm wondering if you'd care to share your loot...'

Man sees college fraternity houses 'Kappa Phi', 'Aeta Epsalon' and then 'Beta Carotene', says, 'They major in nutrition.'

"In conclusion, I hope you all make plenty of money to donate to your alma mater."

Early Trigger Warning

This little piggy went to market

'Nobody likes a bartender who went to college.'

"Well...no wonder you're a smart ass!"

'I'm going to have to give up drinking and drugs when I leave uni - to pay off my bank loan.'

Visiting Professor Swinely - Pig Latin.

"Political Science... that's in the Department of Performing Arts."

Room-mate Homicides Waiting to Happen. . .

'Hmph. College kids.'

'It's rather unorthodox, but it appears the deposit refund on the empties will cover your first interest payment.'

"Yes Dad, I passed math and now I'm passing chemistry and physics."

'I'm majoring in communication and minoring in pizza delivery - What about you?'

'The Great Depression? Didn't they have Prozac then?'

Li'l Bill meets destiny.

"Of course I failed you — your essay was original and unique and obviously written by a human."

'When I was studying animal husbandry, I met the animal who became my husband.'

'Mutation and natural selection? - That sounds awfully STRESSFUL!'

"I'm taking 'moving back in with the parents' studies."

"No, I'm not the first in my family to attend college. But I am the first at an Ivy."

'I see you have extensive experience eating, sleeping, and mating. That puts you two steps ahead of all the college graduates who have applied.'

Dear folks. Well, you were right; being the prettiest gator of the Everglades hasn't helped me one bit.'

Chaos Theory Conference.

"Exactly how long were you home schooled?"

"I turned five. That's why I'm here. What are you in for?"

"Let's just say my teacher and I agreed to disagree."

"I think our daughter should change her major. She can now ask for money in 3 different languages!"

Monkey Business College

Southwick College: Basically, for the most part, usually - a meritocracy.

Books on running a successful school,

'I wish you would come to me first with your grievances, instead of going directly to the United Nations Committee on Human Rights.'

'Wow, that sounds rigorous. What are the prerequisites for living in my mom's basement?'

'There are ten questions on this quiz. Each is worth 20 points.'