College Humor Gifts

'I see you have extensive experience eating, sleeping, and mating. That puts you two steps ahead of all the college graduates who have applied.'

'9K a year!? It's an outrage! At my level of attendance that's 3K per lecture!'

'I got a darn D-plus, and that's WITH cheating!'

"The only reason I consider today's universities 'higher education' is the legalization of marijuana."

Grad School Parent-Teacher Conference

'Hmph. College kids.'

'It's rather unorthodox, but it appears the deposit refund on the empties will cover your first interest payment.'

"Yes Dad, I passed math and now I'm passing chemistry and physics."

'I'm majoring in communication and minoring in pizza delivery - What about you?'

"Political Science... that's in the Department of Performing Arts."

'The Great Depression? Didn't they have Prozac then?'

'Mutation and natural selection? - That sounds awfully STRESSFUL!'

'I'm going to have to give up drinking and drugs when I leave uni - to pay off my bank loan.'

'When I was studying animal husbandry, I met the animal who became my husband.'

"No, I'm not the first in my family to attend college. But I am the first at an Ivy."

College of Liberal (not in the political snese) arts.

"I think our daughter should change her major. She can now ask for money in 3 different languages!"

Southwick College: Basically, for the most part, usually - a meritocracy.

Room-mate Homicides Waiting to Happen. . .

'Wow, that sounds rigorous. What are the prerequisites for living in my mom's basement?'

'You're lucky! Your teacher never gives you any homework.'

"I'd like to propose a bill to the effect that we can remain freshmen indefinitely."

'I'm sorry...we're not sure you're self obsessed enough.'

"In conclusion, I hope you all make plenty of money to donate to your alma mater."

"Student unicorn"

Talk the talk...

Man at Heaven's gate with different college letter than St. Pete

Man sees college fraternity houses 'Kappa Phi', 'Aeta Epsalon' and then 'Beta Carotene', says, 'They major in nutrition.'

'My son is away at college, majoring in communications. He never calls and he never writes.'

'Who knew college would prep me for a first class upgrade?'

"Let me guess, you joined Alpha Delta Dogma"

"I am dyslexic, parked in a faculty space and wore my roommate's t-shirt."

"Here's 15 cents. I assume you'll go into debt one day putting me through college, so this will take some of the guilt off my conscience."

"Yale mom. Yale grandpa. Yale estranged creepy uncle."

The Pi Advantage