College Humor Gifts

'I see you have extensive experience eating, sleeping, and mating. That puts you two steps ahead of all the college graduates who have applied.'

Reselling for Fun and Profit

'9K a year!? It's an outrage! At my level of attendance that's 3K per lecture!'

'I got a darn D-plus, and that's WITH cheating!'

"The only reason I consider today's universities 'higher education' is the legalization of marijuana."

Grad School Parent-Teacher Conference

'Hmph. College kids.'

'It's rather unorthodox, but it appears the deposit refund on the empties will cover your first interest payment.'

College. Did you pick a major yet? I'm doing a double major in art and logic --- I want to draw my own conclusions!

"Yes Dad, I passed math and now I'm passing chemistry and physics."

Professor Wiles grows insufferable.

'I'm majoring in communication and minoring in pizza delivery - What about you?'

'The Great Depression? Didn't they have Prozac then?'

"Political Science... that's in the Department of Performing Arts."

'When I was studying animal husbandry, I met the animal who became my husband.'

'Mutation and natural selection? - That sounds awfully STRESSFUL!'

'I'm going to have to give up drinking and drugs when I leave uni - to pay off my bank loan.'

"No, I'm not the first in my family to attend college. But I am the first at an Ivy."

College of Liberal (not in the political snese) arts.

"I think our daughter should change her major. She can now ask for money in 3 different languages!"

Room-mate Homicides Waiting to Happen. . .

Southwick College: Basically, for the most part, usually - a meritocracy.

'Wow, that sounds rigorous. What are the prerequisites for living in my mom's basement?'

'You're lucky! Your teacher never gives you any homework.'

Little known fact: I spent a semester at Reed College in Portland. "Little known facts" are supposed to be momentous. Well, the little known fact is, while I was there, I asked a lady out

"I'd like to propose a bill to the effect that we can remain freshmen indefinitely."

'I'm sorry...we're not sure you're self obsessed enough.'

"In conclusion, I hope you all make plenty of money to donate to your alma mater."

Man at Heaven's gate with different college letter than St. Pete

"Student unicorn"

"You want mechanical engineering down the hall. This is maniacal engineering."

Talk the talk...

Man sees college fraternity houses 'Kappa Phi', 'Aeta Epsalon' and then 'Beta Carotene', says, 'They major in nutrition.'

'My son is away at college, majoring in communications. He never calls and he never writes.'

"I am dyslexic, parked in a faculty space and wore my roommate's t-shirt."