College Humor Collector Gifts

'The Great Depression? Didn't they have Prozac then?'

"Frankly, now that he's an obnoxious teenager, I find it more and more difficult to muster the urge to protect him..."

'Hmph. College kids.'

'It's rather unorthodox, but it appears the deposit refund on the empties will cover your first interest payment.'

"Yes Dad, I passed math and now I'm passing chemistry and physics."

To no ones surprise, they ran head-on into one another. (All couples are wearing teachers reading 'I'm with Stupid'.)

'Me, I don't spend my pocket money: I hoard it...'

'So where do you think pineapple juice comes from?'

'Bert's dog training.'

'RUN FOR COVER!!!!! It's another one of those 'Baby Showers'!!!

"Whoa. Someone needs their diaper changed."

"Eat me"

"Do we have to go to the beach? I think the airline mixed up my luggage."

A 'Falling Rock' and a 'Deer Crossing' zone.

'I'm majoring in communication and minoring in pizza delivery - What about you?'

',,, and if anyone knows of a reason why these two should not be married, let them storm this castle with pitchforks and torches or forever hold their peace,'

'The bad news is you're going to marry a geek, and not a pro athlete. The good news is the geek owns the team.'

Cake Free Zone

A golden Big Boy holding a plate of poop

"Political Science... that's in the Department of Performing Arts."

'I hate to say I told you so, Larry, but that's why you check your car for bears before you put on your seatbelt.'

Mulching Vacuum Cleaner

Man falls in water Title: 'Willis was always an overachiever.'

The Tale of the Tape of the Tail.

A watch face with Stonehenge

"They retired me. Just like that. Seems I'm no good over 55 mph anymore." "How does that make you feel?" "Like I want to bash my head against a wall!"

"Fantastic! Do you realize what we've just stumbled upon? It's the fabled Lost Glove Compartment of the Ancient Astronauts!"

'I've just discovered that one of my ancestors was a Security Goose for the Roman Army...'

Whatís that, boy? Youíre too tired for a walk and you just want to watch TV?

'You've got the wrong idiot, number.'

'When I was studying animal husbandry, I met the animal who became my husband.'

'Forget worms. Think fast food.'

Clown to clown on unicycle: 'How does it corner?'