College Humor Collector Gifts

'The Great Depression? Didn't they have Prozac then?'

"Frankly, now that he's an obnoxious teenager, I find it more and more difficult to muster the urge to protect him..."

'Are you finished eating yet, sweetie?...Guess that answers THAT question!'

'Hmph. College kids.'

'It's rather unorthodox, but it appears the deposit refund on the empties will cover your first interest payment.'

College. Did you pick a major yet? I'm doing a double major in art and logic --- I want to draw my own conclusions!

"Yes Dad, I passed math and now I'm passing chemistry and physics."

To no ones surprise, they ran head-on into one another. (All couples are wearing teachers reading 'I'm with Stupid'.)

'So where do you think pineapple juice comes from?'

'Bert's dog training.'

'Me, I don't spend my pocket money: I hoard it...'

'RUN FOR COVER!!!!! It's another one of those 'Baby Showers'!!!

'The bad news is you're going to marry a geek, and not a pro athlete. The good news is the geek owns the team.'

Cake Free Zone

',,, and if anyone knows of a reason why these two should not be married, let them storm this castle with pitchforks and torches or forever hold their peace,'

"Eat me"

"Whoa. Someone needs their diaper changed."

"Do we have to go to the beach? I think the airline mixed up my luggage."

'I'm majoring in communication and minoring in pizza delivery - What about you?'

A 'Falling Rock' and a 'Deer Crossing' zone.

A golden Big Boy holding a plate of poop

Mulching Vacuum Cleaner

'I hate to say I told you so, Larry, but that's why you check your car for bears before you put on your seatbelt.'

'I've just discovered that one of my ancestors was a Security Goose for the Roman Army...'

Man falls in water Title: 'Willis was always an overachiever.'

Easter Island Shades...

"They retired me. Just like that. Seems I'm no good over 55 mph anymore." "How does that make you feel?" "Like I want to bash my head against a wall!"

A watch face with Stonehenge

The Tale of the Tape of the Tail.

"Political Science... that's in the Department of Performing Arts."

"Fantastic! Do you realize what we've just stumbled upon? It's the fabled Lost Glove Compartment of the Ancient Astronauts!"

Whatís that, boy? Youíre too tired for a walk and you just want to watch TV?

'Mutation and natural selection? - That sounds awfully STRESSFUL!'

Bathroom Fairy

Vanna White: The Later Years.