College Humor Enthusiast Gifts

'Four years ago I couldn't even spell party animal.'

'You don't have a college degree? Where did you do all of your drinking?'

'I recommend you major in something other than meat.'

'And now a message from Indiana University President Myles Brand.'

New roommates, welcome to Oswego Ewe's new semester.

"No, I'm not the first in my family to attend college. But I am the first at an Ivy."

"Here's my final exam. My lawyer said I didn't have to answer any of these questions."

"Where do you want to meet tonight, my safe space or your safe space?"

'Hmph. College kids.'

'It's rather unorthodox, but it appears the deposit refund on the empties will cover your first interest payment.'

College. Did you pick a major yet? I'm doing a double major in art and logic --- I want to draw my own conclusions!

"Yes Dad, I passed math and now I'm passing chemistry and physics."

Professor Wiles grows insufferable.

'I'm majoring in communication and minoring in pizza delivery - What about you?'

"Political Science... that's in the Department of Performing Arts."

'The Great Depression? Didn't they have Prozac then?'

'Mutation and natural selection? - That sounds awfully STRESSFUL!'

'When I was studying animal husbandry, I met the animal who became my husband.'

'I'm going to have to give up drinking and drugs when I leave uni - to pay off my bank loan.'

"I'm taking 'moving back in with the parents' studies."

'I see you have extensive experience eating, sleeping, and mating. That puts you two steps ahead of all the college graduates who have applied.'

Dear folks. Well, you were right; being the prettiest gator of the Everglades hasn't helped me one bit.'

College of Liberal (not in the political snese) arts.

"I think our daughter should change her major. She can now ask for money in 3 different languages!"

Monkey Business College

Southwick College: Basically, for the most part, usually - a meritocracy.

Room-mate Homicides Waiting to Happen. . .

'Wow, that sounds rigorous. What are the prerequisites for living in my mom's basement?'

'9K a year!? It's an outrage! At my level of attendance that's 3K per lecture!'

"I'd like to propose a bill to the effect that we can remain freshmen indefinitely."

Little known fact: I spent a semester at Reed College in Portland. "Little known facts" are supposed to be momentous. Well, the little known fact is, while I was there, I asked a lady out

'I'm sorry...we're not sure you're self obsessed enough.'

"In conclusion, I hope you all make plenty of money to donate to your alma mater."

'I got a darn D-plus, and that's WITH cheating!'

Talk the talk...