College Humor Enthusiast Gifts

'Four years ago I couldn't even spell party animal.'

'You don't have a college degree? Where did you do all of your drinking?'

'I recommend you major in something other than meat.'

'And now a message from Indiana University President Myles Brand.'

"No, I'm not the first in my family to attend college. But I am the first at an Ivy."

"Here's my final exam. My lawyer said I didn't have to answer any of these questions."

"Where do you want to meet tonight, my safe space or your safe space?"

'Hmph. College kids.'

'It's rather unorthodox, but it appears the deposit refund on the empties will cover your first interest payment.'

"Yes Dad, I passed math and now I'm passing chemistry and physics."

'I'm majoring in communication and minoring in pizza delivery - What about you?'

'The Great Depression? Didn't they have Prozac then?'

"Political Science... that's in the Department of Performing Arts."

'When I was studying animal husbandry, I met the animal who became my husband.'

'Mutation and natural selection? - That sounds awfully STRESSFUL!'

'I'm going to have to give up drinking and drugs when I leave uni - to pay off my bank loan.'

"I'm taking 'moving back in with the parents' studies."

'I see you have extensive experience eating, sleeping, and mating. That puts you two steps ahead of all the college graduates who have applied.'

Dear folks. Well, you were right; being the prettiest gator of the Everglades hasn't helped me one bit.'

College of Liberal (not in the political snese) arts.

"I think our daughter should change her major. She can now ask for money in 3 different languages!"

Room-mate Homicides Waiting to Happen. . .

Southwick College: Basically, for the most part, usually - a meritocracy.

Monkey Business College

'Wow, that sounds rigorous. What are the prerequisites for living in my mom's basement?'

'9K a year!? It's an outrage! At my level of attendance that's 3K per lecture!'

"I'd like to propose a bill to the effect that we can remain freshmen indefinitely."

'I'm sorry...we're not sure you're self obsessed enough.'

"In conclusion, I hope you all make plenty of money to donate to your alma mater."

Talk the talk...

"I guess we love Uni because we get to narrow our minds with like-minded people."

"Student unicorn"

'I got a darn D-plus, and that's WITH cheating!'

Man sees college fraternity houses 'Kappa Phi', 'Aeta Epsalon' and then 'Beta Carotene', says, 'They major in nutrition.'

'My son is away at college, majoring in communications. He never calls and he never writes.'