University Humor Enthusiast Gifts

Dear folks. Well, you were right; being the prettiest gator of the Everglades hasn't helped me one bit.'

'Yes, your father studied at a 'red brick university'. He never graduated though, because he's as thick as a red brick!'

'Hmph. College kids.'

'It's rather unorthodox, but it appears the deposit refund on the empties will cover your first interest payment.'

"Yes Dad, I passed math and now I'm passing chemistry and physics."

'I'm majoring in communication and minoring in pizza delivery - What about you?'

'So what are you studying, young man?'

"Political Science... that's in the Department of Performing Arts."

"Of course I failed you — your essay was original and unique and obviously written by a human."

Finally I understand why it's called 'Higher Education!'

'When I was studying animal husbandry, I met the animal who became my husband.'

'I'm going to have to give up drinking and drugs when I leave uni - to pay off my bank loan.'

"I'm taking 'moving back in with the parents' studies."

"No, I'm not the first in my family to attend college. But I am the first at an Ivy."

'And in conclusion.'

'Thirty years in academia and all I got was this chair.'

'I see you have extensive experience eating, sleeping, and mating. That puts you two steps ahead of all the college graduates who have applied.'

'Physical or Social Science?'

'Spelling, math, history, geography --now the stupid school wants me to take a polygraph test!'

"Dad, the dean has gone over your financial statement, and he doesn't think you're working up to your full potential."

Chaos Theory Conference.

"Professor Van Winkle, the university has instituted Reevaluation of Tenure, time to wake up."

College of Liberal (not in the political snese) arts.

Southwick College: Basically, for the most part, usually - a meritocracy.

Room-mate Homicides Waiting to Happen. . .

"Professor Williams had at first been reluctant to join the Assistant Deans in their Think Great Thoughts aerobics. He later came to enjoy the activity."

Books on running a successful school,

"Graduates, faculty, parents, creditors..."

'Wow, that sounds rigorous. What are the prerequisites for living in my mom's basement?'

The Milbrook Verney chair in literature. The C.K. Frebish endowment for footnotes.

"As a summation of our work it's pretty accurate...apart from the beginning, middle and end of all the words in between!"

Undergraduate and don

Young man standing with hands in pockets because it is the fashion at his college