University Humor Lover Gifts

"I'm taking 'moving back in with the parents' studies."

'Hmph. College kids.'

'So what are you studying, young man?'

"Political Science... that's in the Department of Performing Arts."

'The doctor says he's going to have to give you a few more tests...'

'I'm going to have to give up drinking and drugs when I leave uni - to pay off my bank loan.'

"No, I'm not the first in my family to attend college. But I am the first at an Ivy."

'Thirty years in academia and all I got was this chair.'

Dear folks. Well, you were right; being the prettiest gator of the Everglades hasn't helped me one bit.'

"I wanted to deliver a message of hope and tolerance in a complex global society but I decided to update them on the Kardashians instead."

"Dad, the dean has gone over your financial statement, and he doesn't think you're working up to your full potential."

"Professor Van Winkle, the university has instituted Reevaluation of Tenure, time to wake up."

"Professor Williams had at first been reluctant to join the Assistant Deans in their Think Great Thoughts aerobics. He later came to enjoy the activity."

Room-mate Homicides Waiting to Happen. . .

"Graduates, faculty, parents, creditors..."

"I'd like to propose a bill to the effect that we can remain freshmen indefinitely."

'If it makes you feel any better, I gave the kid you copied from the same grade.'

Undergraduate and don

Breakfast at Universities

Young man standing with hands in pockets because it is the fashion at his college

"Your research is impressive, but you have too many original ideas to be credible..."

"In conclusion, I hope you all make plenty of money to donate to your alma mater."

"This looks cool, Mum, a university offering a degree course in Greed."

"I guess we love Uni because we get to narrow our minds with like-minded people."

"Why do I always get stuck with being the guardian angel to someone who can't seem to finish his Ph.D.?"

'You heard! There's no way I'm cooking for you!'

The Quack Quack Diaries: Quack Quack Goes To College

'I'm sorry, Professor Johnson is not picking up. I can put you through to the equally eccentric Professor Williams if you would like?'

'What did you put down for the definition of plagiarism?'

"I'm honored to share my research at your virtual academic conference."

Man sees college fraternity houses 'Kappa Phi', 'Aeta Epsalon' and then 'Beta Carotene', says, 'They major in nutrition.'

'My son is away at college, majoring in communications. He never calls and he never writes.'

"Phil's a living legend on this campus. His last grant proposal won a Pulitzer."

'I recommend you major in something other than meat.'

'Son, meet Hard Luck Sammy Fleabeard. He had the same major you're about to declare.'