College Humor Lover Gifts

"I don't care whay they do at college, you'll scrub them off at once"

'My son is away at college, majoring in communications. He never calls and he never writes.'

"I'd like to propose a bill to the effect that we can remain freshmen indefinitely."

My parents are trying to give me a real college experience here at home by making me put in quarters to use the washing machine.

God's frat house.

"Let me guess, you joined Alpha Delta Dogma"

'I think we've found your problem. It's a Yale lock, but you have a Harvard key.'

"Are you nuts? If we say we've found the sun is a White Hole we'll lose our funding!"

Eccentrics, Imbeciles, College Students or Other.

"This is my dad's idea of a really scary costume...the ghost of what he still owes on his student loans."

"My dad paid $2.5 million to get me into this college--they're offering him $3 million to take me back."

Grad School Parent-Teacher Conference

'Hmph. College kids.'

'It's rather unorthodox, but it appears the deposit refund on the empties will cover your first interest payment.'

College. Did you pick a major yet? I'm doing a double major in art and logic --- I want to draw my own conclusions!

"Yes Dad, I passed math and now I'm passing chemistry and physics."

'I'm majoring in communication and minoring in pizza delivery - What about you?'

'The Great Depression? Didn't they have Prozac then?'

"Political Science... that's in the Department of Performing Arts."

'Mutation and natural selection? - That sounds awfully STRESSFUL!'

'I'm going to have to give up drinking and drugs when I leave uni - to pay off my bank loan.'

'When I was studying animal husbandry, I met the animal who became my husband.'

"I'm taking 'moving back in with the parents' studies."

"No, I'm not the first in my family to attend college. But I am the first at an Ivy."

'I see you have extensive experience eating, sleeping, and mating. That puts you two steps ahead of all the college graduates who have applied.'

Dear folks. Well, you were right; being the prettiest gator of the Everglades hasn't helped me one bit.'

"Professor Williams had at first been reluctant to join the Assistant Deans in their Think Great Thoughts aerobics. He later came to enjoy the activity."

Southwick College: Basically, for the most part, usually - a meritocracy.

Room-mate Homicides Waiting to Happen. . .

Monkey Business College

'Wow, that sounds rigorous. What are the prerequisites for living in my mom's basement?'

Little known fact: I spent a semester at Reed College in Portland. "Little known facts" are supposed to be momentous. Well, the little known fact is, while I was there, I asked a lady out

'9K a year!? It's an outrage! At my level of attendance that's 3K per lecture!'

'I'm sorry...we're not sure you're self obsessed enough.'

"In conclusion, I hope you all make plenty of money to donate to your alma mater."