College Comedy Fan Gifts

Pizza Initiation

Greeting Card Co. Let's make a graduation-condolences card for kids facing a huge student loan debt.

'Mutation and natural selection? - That sounds awfully STRESSFUL!'

"Student unicorn"

Screenwriters pitch movie to studio boss: 'It's a reinterpretation of Bicycle Thieves, that classic of Italian neo-realism. We're calling it, Dude, Where's My Chopper?'

Grad School Parent-Teacher Conference

Unable to raise enough money for a trip to Paris, the Bartlesville High French Club had to settle for three days in Tulsa.

"I groom all day and still look like a baboon."

'Hmph. College kids.'

"Why do they do that?"

"Let's just say I have a pre-existing condition."

CSI: Mother Goose Unit...'Hmmm...I'm beginning to suspect that perhaps mister Dumpty's demise wasn't simply a tragic accident.'

"A retired superhero's re-purposed utility belt"

"Yes, I'm from London. 'Which part?' you ask. Well all of me!"

"When is my next parole hearing?"

Giraffe Umbrella

Help! I'm ROFL and ICGU!

Bad fake tan day.

Summer 2000: Children stumble upon the remains of Linda Tripp's old head.

"Oh my gosh, honey! Look out!"

"The following programme contains scenes of a very noisy vacuum cleaner."

Old navy veteran 3rd base coach

A Fairytale Update

If time travel was invented in 1600 in England. I'm a fan of the bard. Let's see if he wants to take a journey through time. Globe Theater. Sounds fun! Let's go to 2020. It's a nice round number. Zazzz! Poof! That's weird. How did they know he was coming? And why does he need to leave this place? Apparently you can't be here, William. The sign says "No Shakespeare in the park this summer."

Baby knocks old lady out with pram toy.

Vlad the Impala

"That's it lads, 364 days annual leave...what would we have done without our union!"

"Okay, you both know the rules: no trash talk, no batting the other guy all over the house if he’s unconscious, watch the claws and nails..."

'He who laughs last probably doesn't get it.'

'I got 100 in school today. 50 in history and 50 in maths.'

Caddie brings his golfer a shovel in the sand trap.

"That'll be five bucks."

"Lordy, I am such a klutz!"

What nationality were your parents? North or south Poles?

Professor Wiles grows insufferable.