College Comedy Fans Gifts

Man at Heaven's gate with different college letter than St. Pete

Grad School Parent-Teacher Conference

"I groom all day and still look like a baboon."

'Hmph. College kids.'

"I still haven't decided if I want to be unemployed as an English major or as a Communications major."

"Oh my gosh, honey! Look out!"

Math 101, for those who can only count to 100.

"That'll be five bucks."

'I hope I run out of money before I flunk out.'

'It says I missed freshmen Orientation and I have to take it in summer school in order to graduate.'

"Cat World Domination Day June 24th"

'We interrupt this programme for a sex flash.'

Two fishermen land on stumps. Man says to other, 'Is that enough structure for ya?!'

'We were thinking of naming him after his daddy, but I don't really like the name, Old slap head.'

"Political Science... that's in the Department of Performing Arts."

'The Great Depression? Didn't they have Prozac then?'

"We have plenty of time to catch the ark."

'I was told you two have a love-hate relationship. Care to elaborate on that?'

'When I was studying animal husbandry, I met the animal who became my husband.'

"You want to know why I drink?. . . I drink to forget!"

'Mutation and natural selection? - That sounds awfully STRESSFUL!'

"Friends have been scribbling on my cast."

Technique #54 airlines are adopting for handling excessive carry on luggage.

'I'm going to have to give up drinking and drugs when I leave uni - to pay off my bank loan.'

Standard & Poor

"And just how do you expect to become a made man, son, without a solid liberal-arts education?"

'Is your cabbage diet working darling?'

'It's a nicotine patch...I've been smoking too much.'

Yakety-Yak

'I'm on the short degree course... hell of a lot to pack into one year!'

Top Ten New Year's Resolutions

"Those are the lyrics? How embarrassing—I've been singing it wrong this whole time."