College Comedy Gifts

"This is the office of 'so now you've decided that you finally need to graduate.' How may I help you?"

Grad School Parent-Teacher Conference

"I still haven't decided if I want to be unemployed as an English major or as a Communications major."

'It's rather unorthodox, but it appears the deposit refund on the empties will cover your first interest payment.'

"Yes Dad, I passed math and now I'm passing chemistry and physics."

Math 101, for those who can only count to 100.

'It says I missed freshmen Orientation and I have to take it in summer school in order to graduate.'

'I hope I run out of money before I flunk out.'

'I'm majoring in communication and minoring in pizza delivery - What about you?'

"Political Science... that's in the Department of Performing Arts."

'Mutation and natural selection? - That sounds awfully STRESSFUL!'

'When I was studying animal husbandry, I met the animal who became my husband.'

'I'm going to have to give up drinking and drugs when I leave uni - to pay off my bank loan.'

"And just how do you expect to become a made man, son, without a solid liberal-arts education?"

Don't you hate...

"No, I'm not the first in my family to attend college. But I am the first at an Ivy."

'I'm on the short degree course... hell of a lot to pack into one year!'

Scientists continue their research on the Hippocampus.

'I see you have extensive experience eating, sleeping, and mating. That puts you two steps ahead of all the college graduates who have applied.'

College student cleans messy dorm room littered with clothes with leafsnow blower

"I think our daughter should change her major. She can now ask for money in 3 different languages!"

"Mom, Dad, college changed me."

Southwick College: Basically, for the most part, usually - a meritocracy.

Room-mate Homicides Waiting to Happen. . .

'I suspected hackers when it accepted all the student scholarship applications.'

Popular college book: How to say 'Send money' in 101 languages.

'Wow, that sounds rigorous. What are the prerequisites for living in my mom's basement?'

'I'm at that awkward age when I can't read my own handwriting. Do they teach penmanship in college?'

'So, in college what did you major in' - 'Business poetry.'

That's Roderick Sloan, the Alvin Meriwether professor of business administration, and with him is Alvin Meriwether, the Roderick Sloan professor of economics.

Undergraduate and don

'9K a year!? It's an outrage! At my level of attendance that's 3K per lecture!'

"I'd like to propose a bill to the effect that we can remain freshmen indefinitely."