Campus Comedian Gifts

Congratulations on your PhD.

'Ok then, what's the second most important thing on campus.'

"I have to read this disclaimer: Any opinions expressed in this course belong to the professor and do not necessarily mean the university is left-wing."

Ethical studies: 'No thanks, I;m doing law.'

"I still haven't decided if I want to be unemployed as an English major or as a Communications major."

Scientists continue their research on the Hippocampus.

'So, in college what did you major in' - 'Business poetry.'

Student to teacher: 'If you know so much about making money, what are you doing teaching at a junior college?'

Two English university students

"Why don't you try the Omega house? I don't think you're Alpha dog material."

"Phil's a living legend on this campus. His last grant proposal won a Pulitzer."

The university is naming a chair for me - in the lounge.

"Everyone flunked Economics this semester. Interest rates were low."

Math 101, for those who can only count to 100.

'Oh, no! Is it rag week again already?'

Student watching college game holds up a sign: Send Calling Minutes.

'I'm not a great fan of tenure, but in my case, my doctor prescribed it, so what could I do?'

'I'm with the Campus Police, ma'am... we had a tip than someone in this dorm may be reading for pleasure.'

'I'm on the short degree course... hell of a lot to pack into one year!'

'I hope I run out of money before I flunk out.'

'I'm studying psychology and philosophy, what are you studying?'

Hamburger Helper

'Jeckers, when I was a student we commonly ate poultry...

We have too many students! I know. Send them home!

'Did you really? I flunked out of Bob Jones, too!'

'Nots so hot on my SATS, but I aced my STDS.'

Graduation.

'It says I missed freshmen Orientation and I have to take it in summer school in order to graduate.'

'Well. . . my first year of college is going okay, but I really wish I could get some new roommates.'

"The 'Maurice Q. Dinkelfrost Professor of Economics' really is an endowed chair even though we made up the name just to amuse ourselves."

Dunce stool at school with safe space on cap.

"This is unbelievable. I think I forgot to graduate."

"Fancy a tutorial lad?"

I'm majoring in delusional studies.

Undergraduate and don