Campus Life Comedian Gifts

'Dude, you gotta lay off the Mac n' Cheese!'

Grad School Parent-Teacher Conference

"I still haven't decided if I want to be unemployed as an English major or as a Communications major."

Math 101, for those who can only count to 100.

'It says I missed freshmen Orientation and I have to take it in summer school in order to graduate.'

'I hope I run out of money before I flunk out.'

Professor Wiles grows insufferable.

'When I was studying animal husbandry, I met the animal who became my husband.'

'I'm on the short degree course... hell of a lot to pack into one year!'

Don't you hate...

'Thirty years in academia and all I got was this chair.'

Scientists continue their research on the Hippocampus.

"What did you study in school today, Gracie?"

College of Liberal (not in the political snese) arts.

"I think our daughter should change her major. She can now ask for money in 3 different languages!"

'I suspected hackers when it accepted all the student scholarship applications.'

"Mom, Dad, college changed me."

Popular college book: How to say 'Send money' in 101 languages.

'I'm at that awkward age when I can't read my own handwriting. Do they teach penmanship in college?'

'So, in college what did you major in' - 'Business poetry.'

Undergraduate and don

"Don’t you just love professor Dahl’s lectures on Tibetan rawhide?"

'When I was your age, an 'A' did not stand for 'adequate'.'

Little known fact: I spent a semester at Reed College in Portland. "Little known facts" are supposed to be momentous. Well, the little known fact is, while I was there, I asked a lady out

'Nots so hot on my SATS, but I aced my STDS.'

That's Roderick Sloan, the Alvin Meriwether professor of business administration, and with him is Alvin Meriwether, the Roderick Sloan professor of economics.

"I've got news for you. Kids don't have a union and doing your homework is not negotiable."

"I have to read this disclaimer: Any opinions expressed in this course belong to the professor and do not necessarily mean the university is left-wing."

"I was just transferred to the fraternity word."

We have too many students! I know. Send them home!

"It's this marvelous little liberal-arts college in Kansas that gives frequent-flier miles."

"I can't wait to get home and insult my parents from a position of authority."

The Quack Quack Diaries: Quack Quack Goes To College

Campus. I'm failing my criminology class, but you shouldn't have told them "Frank's in trouble with the law." State.

Campus. Professor Frump is the most respected faculty member here. All the other professors want to be noticed by him. This semester he's teaching three classes. But for some unknown reason lots of students are dropping the second one. He asked why this is happening. Hoping to impress him, sociology and economics scholars rushed to present him with their theories. I guess he should have been more specific when he questioned with the middle class is disappearing.