Campus Life Comedic Gifts

"There is, however, nothing in the dean's regulations to preclude a semester of profoundly suggestive and, ultimately, frustrating consensual eye contact."

Grad School Parent-Teacher Conference

"I still haven't decided if I want to be unemployed as an English major or as a Communications major."

Math 101, for those who can only count to 100.

'It says I missed freshmen Orientation and I have to take it in summer school in order to graduate.'

'I hope I run out of money before I flunk out.'

'So what are you studying, young man?'

"Don't tell me, first time away from home, right?"

'I'm going to have to give up drinking and drugs when I leave uni - to pay off my bank loan.'

'When I was studying animal husbandry, I met the animal who became my husband.'

"I wish my Dad would get off my back! It's only been nine years and he wants to know if I've picked a major yet!"

Don't you hate...

'I'm on the short degree course... hell of a lot to pack into one year!'

'Thirty years in academia and all I got was this chair.'

Scientists continue their research on the Hippocampus.

'I see you have extensive experience eating, sleeping, and mating. That puts you two steps ahead of all the college graduates who have applied.'

'Does it matter what answer I put down? After all, this is Liberal Arts.'

"What did you study in school today, Gracie?"

College of Liberal (not in the political snese) arts.

Popular college book: How to say 'Send money' in 101 languages.

'I suspected hackers when it accepted all the student scholarship applications.'

"Mom, Dad, college changed me."

'Dude, you gotta lay off the Mac n' Cheese!'

'So, in college what did you major in' - 'Business poetry.'

"I've got news for you. Kids don't have a union and doing your homework is not negotiable."

"I thought SAT was 'Smart Alec Teacher'!"

That's Roderick Sloan, the Alvin Meriwether professor of business administration, and with him is Alvin Meriwether, the Roderick Sloan professor of economics.

"Don’t you just love professor Dahl’s lectures on Tibetan rawhide?"

'When I was your age, an 'A' did not stand for 'adequate'.'

'Nots so hot on my SATS, but I aced my STDS.'

Undergraduate and don

'9K a year!? It's an outrage! At my level of attendance that's 3K per lecture!'

"I have to read this disclaimer: Any opinions expressed in this course belong to the professor and do not necessarily mean the university is left-wing."