Campus Life Comedic Pillows

"There is, however, nothing in the dean's regulations to preclude a semester of profoundly suggestive and, ultimately, frustrating consensual eye contact."

Grad School Parent-Teacher Conference

"I still haven't decided if I want to be unemployed as an English major or as a Communications major."

Math 101, for those who can only count to 100.

Professor Wiles grows insufferable.

'It says I missed freshmen Orientation and I have to take it in summer school in order to graduate.'

'I hope I run out of money before I flunk out.'

'So what are you studying, young man?'

"Don't tell me, first time away from home, right?"

Our college is tuned to the students' every need! Campus Visits. We have body image awareness week. Safe sex awareness week. Bullying, drug use and tolerance awareness weeks. What did I miss? Welcome. History, math or English awareness week? Great idea. I'll suggest that.

'When I was studying animal husbandry, I met the animal who became my husband.'

'I'm going to have to give up drinking and drugs when I leave uni - to pay off my bank loan.'

"I wish my Dad would get off my back! It's only been nine years and he wants to know if I've picked a major yet!"

Don't you hate...

'I'm on the short degree course... hell of a lot to pack into one year!'

'Thirty years in academia and all I got was this chair.'

Scientists continue their research on the Hippocampus.

'Does it matter what answer I put down? After all, this is Liberal Arts.'

'I see you have extensive experience eating, sleeping, and mating. That puts you two steps ahead of all the college graduates who have applied.'

"What did you study in school today, Gracie?"

College of Liberal (not in the political snese) arts.

'I suspected hackers when it accepted all the student scholarship applications.'

Popular college book: How to say 'Send money' in 101 languages.

"Mom, Dad, college changed me."

'Dude, you gotta lay off the Mac n' Cheese!'

'So, in college what did you major in' - 'Business poetry.'

"I thought SAT was 'Smart Alec Teacher'!"

'When I was your age, an 'A' did not stand for 'adequate'.'

Little known fact: I spent a semester at Reed College in Portland. "Little known facts" are supposed to be momentous. Well, the little known fact is, while I was there, I asked a lady out

'9K a year!? It's an outrage! At my level of attendance that's 3K per lecture!'

"Don’t you just love professor Dahl’s lectures on Tibetan rawhide?"

That's Roderick Sloan, the Alvin Meriwether professor of business administration, and with him is Alvin Meriwether, the Roderick Sloan professor of economics.

'Nots so hot on my SATS, but I aced my STDS.'

Undergraduate and don

"I've got news for you. Kids don't have a union and doing your homework is not negotiable."