Campus Humorist Gifts

"Dude! I'm writing a letter to my parents. How many N's in money?"

College of Liberal (not in the political snese) arts.

'Caution: Some content may be offensive to sensitive students.'

"Yale mom. Yale grandpa. Yale estranged creepy uncle."

'And where did you catch our Dean playing truant, officer?'

"He wasn't tenured, but you couldn't convince him of that."

"I still haven't decided if I want to be unemployed as an English major or as a Communications major."

'It's rather unorthodox, but it appears the deposit refund on the empties will cover your first interest payment.'

College. Did you pick a major yet? I'm doing a double major in art and logic --- I want to draw my own conclusions!

"Yes Dad, I passed math and now I'm passing chemistry and physics."

Math 101, for those who can only count to 100.

'It says I missed freshmen Orientation and I have to take it in summer school in order to graduate.'

'I hope I run out of money before I flunk out.'

Professor Wiles grows insufferable.

'So what are you studying, young man?'

'I'm majoring in communication and minoring in pizza delivery - What about you?'

Finally I understand why it's called 'Higher Education!'

'When I was studying animal husbandry, I met the animal who became my husband.'

'I'm on the short degree course... hell of a lot to pack into one year!'

"No, I'm not the first in my family to attend college. But I am the first at an Ivy."

Don't you hate...

'Thirty years in academia and all I got was this chair.'

Scientists continue their research on the Hippocampus.

'I see you have extensive experience eating, sleeping, and mating. That puts you two steps ahead of all the college graduates who have applied.'

"I wanted to deliver a message of hope and tolerance in a complex global society but I decided to update them on the Kardashians instead."

Dear folks. Well, you were right; being the prettiest gator of the Everglades hasn't helped me one bit.'

"What did you study in school today, Gracie?"

"Professor Van Winkle, the university has instituted Reevaluation of Tenure, time to wake up."

"I think our daughter should change her major. She can now ask for money in 3 different languages!"

"Mom, Dad, college changed me."

'I suspected hackers when it accepted all the student scholarship applications.'

'My parents couldn't afford to send me to college, so they let me spend a night at a Ramada.'

Popular college book: How to say 'Send money' in 101 languages.

Southwick College: Basically, for the most part, usually - a meritocracy.

"Graduates, faculty, parents, creditors..."