College Student Humorist Gifts

"Can I take out a loan for an ice cream cone?"

"It's amazing how much Junior has changed after only a few weeks away at college..."

'Hmph. College kids.'

"I still haven't decided if I want to be unemployed as an English major or as a Communications major."

'It's rather unorthodox, but it appears the deposit refund on the empties will cover your first interest payment.'

"Yes Dad, I passed math and now I'm passing chemistry and physics."

Math 101, for those who can only count to 100.

'It says I missed freshmen Orientation and I have to take it in summer school in order to graduate.'

'I hope I run out of money before I flunk out.'

'I'm majoring in communication and minoring in pizza delivery - What about you?'

'So what are you studying, young man?'

Finally I understand why it's called 'Higher Education!'

'When I was studying animal husbandry, I met the animal who became my husband.'

'I'm on the short degree course... hell of a lot to pack into one year!'

"No, I'm not the first in my family to attend college. But I am the first at an Ivy."

Don't you hate...

3 cents glass - Exact change please, seller can't count.

Kid to kid: 'I can't be wearing out my welcome. I didn't even step on it.'

Scientists continue their research on the Hippocampus.

'I see you have extensive experience eating, sleeping, and mating. That puts you two steps ahead of all the college graduates who have applied.'

Dear folks. Well, you were right; being the prettiest gator of the Everglades hasn't helped me one bit.'

"What did you study in school today, Gracie?"

"Professor Van Winkle, the university has instituted Reevaluation of Tenure, time to wake up."

College of Liberal (not in the political snese) arts.

"I think our daughter should change her major. She can now ask for money in 3 different languages!"

'I suspected hackers when it accepted all the student scholarship applications.'

"Dad, it's not a homing pigeon, just a canary on an elastic band."

Popular college book: How to say 'Send money' in 101 languages.

"Mom, Dad, college changed me."

Southwick College: Basically, for the most part, usually - a meritocracy.

"Graduates, faculty, parents, creditors..."

'Wow, that sounds rigorous. What are the prerequisites for living in my mom's basement?'

'I'm at that awkward age when I can't read my own handwriting. Do they teach penmanship in college?'

'So, in college what did you major in' - 'Business poetry.'