College Student Humorist Pillows

"Can I take out a loan for an ice cream cone?"

After you left for college, we gave the dog your room. Mutts. Sea Wolf. Barkbox. Snax.

"It's amazing how much Junior has changed after only a few weeks away at college..."

'Hmph. College kids.'

"I still haven't decided if I want to be unemployed as an English major or as a Communications major."

'It's rather unorthodox, but it appears the deposit refund on the empties will cover your first interest payment.'

College. Did you pick a major yet? I'm doing a double major in art and logic --- I want to draw my own conclusions!

"Yes Dad, I passed math and now I'm passing chemistry and physics."

Math 101, for those who can only count to 100.

Professor Wiles grows insufferable.

'It says I missed freshmen Orientation and I have to take it in summer school in order to graduate.'

'I hope I run out of money before I flunk out.'

'So what are you studying, young man?'

'I'm majoring in communication and minoring in pizza delivery - What about you?'

Finally I understand why it's called 'Higher Education!'

'When I was studying animal husbandry, I met the animal who became my husband.'

"No, I'm not the first in my family to attend college. But I am the first at an Ivy."

3 cents glass - Exact change please, seller can't count.

Don't you hate...

'I'm on the short degree course... hell of a lot to pack into one year!'

Scientists continue their research on the Hippocampus.

Kid to kid: 'I can't be wearing out my welcome. I didn't even step on it.'

'I see you have extensive experience eating, sleeping, and mating. That puts you two steps ahead of all the college graduates who have applied.'

"I wanted to deliver a message of hope and tolerance in a complex global society but I decided to update them on the Kardashians instead."

"What did you study in school today, Gracie?"

Dear folks. Well, you were right; being the prettiest gator of the Everglades hasn't helped me one bit.'

"Professor Van Winkle, the university has instituted Reevaluation of Tenure, time to wake up."

College of Liberal (not in the political snese) arts.

"I think our daughter should change her major. She can now ask for money in 3 different languages!"

"Dad, it's not a homing pigeon, just a canary on an elastic band."

"Mom, Dad, college changed me."

Popular college book: How to say 'Send money' in 101 languages.

Southwick College: Basically, for the most part, usually - a meritocracy.

'I suspected hackers when it accepted all the student scholarship applications.'

"Graduates, faculty, parents, creditors..."