Student Life Humorist Gifts

'When I was your age, an 'A' did not stand for 'adequate'.'

"I've got news for you. Kids don't have a union and doing your homework is not negotiable."

"I wanted to warn you, my dad says if my grades don't go up, somebody is in big big trouble!"

"What did you study in school today, Gracie?"

Grad School Parent-Teacher Conference

'It's rather unorthodox, but it appears the deposit refund on the empties will cover your first interest payment.'

College. Did you pick a major yet? I'm doing a double major in art and logic --- I want to draw my own conclusions!

"Yes Dad, I passed math and now I'm passing chemistry and physics."

'I got 100 in school today. 50 in history and 50 in maths.'

'I'm majoring in communication and minoring in pizza delivery - What about you?'

'So what are you studying, young man?'

Finally I understand why it's called 'Higher Education!'

'When I was studying animal husbandry, I met the animal who became my husband.'

"No, I'm not the first in my family to attend college. But I am the first at an Ivy."

"I'm taking 'moving back in with the parents' studies."

'Thirty years in academia and all I got was this chair.'

'I see you have extensive experience eating, sleeping, and mating. That puts you two steps ahead of all the college graduates who have applied.'

Dear folks. Well, you were right; being the prettiest gator of the Everglades hasn't helped me one bit.'

Back to school: The Horror,

"I wanted to deliver a message of hope and tolerance in a complex global society but I decided to update them on the Kardashians instead."

"Professor Van Winkle, the university has instituted Reevaluation of Tenure, time to wake up."

College of Liberal (not in the political snese) arts.

Southwick College: Basically, for the most part, usually - a meritocracy.

"Graduates, faculty, parents, creditors..."

'Wow, that sounds rigorous. What are the prerequisites for living in my mom's basement?'

'Dude, you gotta lay off the Mac n' Cheese!'

'You're lucky! Your teacher never gives you any homework.'

Rapunzel as a child.

"Mom says teachers wear many hats. . . and I can't wear just one??"

"Romeo & Juliet were totally hooking up! ...but then things got weird."

Undergraduate and don

Little known fact: I spent a semester at Reed College in Portland. "Little known facts" are supposed to be momentous. Well, the little known fact is, while I was there, I asked a lady out

Breakfast at Universities

'I saw the school nurse put that sign up.'

"My mom wants you to dispense my happy pill just before I get on the bus for home."