University Humorists Gifts

'Excuse me, sir, are you with those 'orrible student protestors?'

"I can't believe that Derek got into university!"

"I still haven't decided if I want to be unemployed as an English major or as a Communications major."

'It's rather unorthodox, but it appears the deposit refund on the empties will cover your first interest payment.'

"Yes Dad, I passed math and now I'm passing chemistry and physics."

Math 101, for those who can only count to 100.

'I hope I run out of money before I flunk out.'

'It says I missed freshmen Orientation and I have to take it in summer school in order to graduate.'

'Poor Kleinzweck -- his working hypothesis got laid off.'

'So what are you studying, young man?'

'I'm majoring in communication and minoring in pizza delivery - What about you?'

'The sound of one hand clapping.'

'Mirror, mirror, on the wall, who is the fairest algologist of all?'

'I didn't think of it as someone else writing my term paper, I thought of it more as a guest blogger situation.'

Finally I understand why it's called 'Higher Education!'

An Enquiry Concerning Human Understanding as written and as it would have been written if David Hume had invested in a word processor,

'When I was studying animal husbandry, I met the animal who became my husband.'

Rita's PhD defense wasn't going well."

"I'm taking 'moving back in with the parents' studies."

Don't you hate...

'I'm on the short degree course... hell of a lot to pack into one year!'

'There are no stupid questions, so let's also agree there are no stupid answers.'

Peer-reviewed journal publication.

Physicists disputing whether the clock moves backwards or forwards according to season change.

'Thirty years in academia and all I got was this chair.'

Scientists continue their research on the Hippocampus.

'I see you have extensive experience eating, sleeping, and mating. That puts you two steps ahead of all the college graduates who have applied.'

Professor McWit, crushed by an avalanche of Philosophy 101 texts, proves again that a little knowledge is a dangerous thing.

By the year 2500, 1 in 10 academics will devote their entire career to divining the meaning of the word 'sussudio'.

Dear folks. Well, you were right; being the prettiest gator of the Everglades hasn't helped me one bit.'

"What did you study in school today, Gracie?"

'In the future, everyone will have fifteen minutes of tenure.'

"Professor Van Winkle, the university has instituted Reevaluation of Tenure, time to wake up."

'Oh that?... It has nothing to do with the formula; it just makes the whole thing seem less grumpy.'