University Humorists Gifts

'Excuse me, sir, are you with those 'orrible student protestors?'

"I can't believe that Derek got into university!"

"I still haven't decided if I want to be unemployed as an English major or as a Communications major."

'It's rather unorthodox, but it appears the deposit refund on the empties will cover your first interest payment.'

College. Did you pick a major yet? I'm doing a double major in art and logic --- I want to draw my own conclusions!

"Yes Dad, I passed math and now I'm passing chemistry and physics."

Math 101, for those who can only count to 100.

'I hope I run out of money before I flunk out.'

'It says I missed freshmen Orientation and I have to take it in summer school in order to graduate.'

'Poor Kleinzweck -- his working hypothesis got laid off.'

'So what are you studying, young man?'

'I'm majoring in communication and minoring in pizza delivery - What about you?'

'The sound of one hand clapping.'

'Mirror, mirror, on the wall, who is the fairest algologist of all?'

'I didn't think of it as someone else writing my term paper, I thought of it more as a guest blogger situation.'

Finally I understand why it's called 'Higher Education!'

Rita's PhD defense wasn't going well."

'When I was studying animal husbandry, I met the animal who became my husband.'

An Enquiry Concerning Human Understanding as written and as it would have been written if David Hume had invested in a word processor,

Don't you hate...

'I'm on the short degree course... hell of a lot to pack into one year!'

"I'm taking 'moving back in with the parents' studies."

'There are no stupid questions, so let's also agree there are no stupid answers.'

Peer-reviewed journal publication.

Physicists disputing whether the clock moves backwards or forwards according to season change.

'Thirty years in academia and all I got was this chair.'

Scientists continue their research on the Hippocampus.

'I see you have extensive experience eating, sleeping, and mating. That puts you two steps ahead of all the college graduates who have applied.'

"What did you study in school today, Gracie?"

Next semester I have "The Frito-lay

Dear folks. Well, you were right; being the prettiest gator of the Everglades hasn't helped me one bit.'

Professor McWit, crushed by an avalanche of Philosophy 101 texts, proves again that a little knowledge is a dangerous thing.

By the year 2500, 1 in 10 academics will devote their entire career to divining the meaning of the word 'sussudio'.

"I wanted to deliver a message of hope and tolerance in a complex global society but I decided to update them on the Kardashians instead."

'In the future, everyone will have fifteen minutes of tenure.'