Campus Comedians Gifts

'And remember you success will be measured by how much money you donate to the universities alumni fund.'

Freshers' week societies - 'Debt', 'Poverty' and 'No Money'.

"I'm sort of OK with being back on campus --- I just don't like the look of those new freshman."

'I'm glad I'm majoring in economics. I'm starting to realize what a burden my student loans are going to be.'

'Hello, Alumni Office? Bad timing. Your fund raising letter arrived with my student loan bills.'

"His first day as campus police and he just saw too many kids with backpacks and electronic devices in their hands."

Grad School Parent-Teacher Conference

"I still haven't decided if I want to be unemployed as an English major or as a Communications major."

'It's rather unorthodox, but it appears the deposit refund on the empties will cover your first interest payment.'

"Yes Dad, I passed math and now I'm passing chemistry and physics."

Math 101, for those who can only count to 100.

'It says I missed freshmen Orientation and I have to take it in summer school in order to graduate.'

'I hope I run out of money before I flunk out.'

'So what are you studying, young man?'

'I'm majoring in communication and minoring in pizza delivery - What about you?'

'When I was studying animal husbandry, I met the animal who became my husband.'

"Where are redactions when you need them?"

"The first week of school is just review. You know. Scenes from last year's episode."

'I'm on the short degree course... hell of a lot to pack into one year!'

Don't you hate...

'Did anyone tell her we're from another planet?'

Scientists continue their research on the Hippocampus.

'I see you have extensive experience eating, sleeping, and mating. That puts you two steps ahead of all the college graduates who have applied.'

"Santa's not been happy with your behavior in class and says, get it together or your Christmas won't be merry!"

'For pity's sake stop that infernal humming!'

"I can count to 20...Without taking off my shoes."

'Sorry, Jimmy... our school has a strict 'don't show, don't tell' policy!'

"Professor Van Winkle, the university has instituted Reevaluation of Tenure, time to wake up."

College of Liberal (not in the political snese) arts.

"I don't mind them counting the days 'til school's out, but I wish they wouldn't do it on their fingers."

"I think our daughter should change her major. She can now ask for money in 3 different languages!"

'I suspected hackers when it accepted all the student scholarship applications.'

"Mom, Dad, college changed me."

Popular college book: How to say 'Send money' in 101 languages.

Southwick College: Basically, for the most part, usually - a meritocracy.