College Comedy Crew Gifts

'We don't have energy-efficient appliances but the food in the 'fridge has gone green.'

Grad School Parent-Teacher Conference

"I still haven't decided if I want to be unemployed as an English major or as a Communications major."

'It's rather unorthodox, but it appears the deposit refund on the empties will cover your first interest payment.'

College. Did you pick a major yet? I'm doing a double major in art and logic --- I want to draw my own conclusions!

"Yes Dad, I passed math and now I'm passing chemistry and physics."

Math 101, for those who can only count to 100.

'It says I missed freshmen Orientation and I have to take it in summer school in order to graduate.'

Professor Wiles grows insufferable.

'I hope I run out of money before I flunk out.'

'I'm majoring in communication and minoring in pizza delivery - What about you?'

'When I was studying animal husbandry, I met the animal who became my husband.'

'Mutation and natural selection? - That sounds awfully STRESSFUL!'

"And just how do you expect to become a made man, son, without a solid liberal-arts education?"

'I'm on the short degree course... hell of a lot to pack into one year!'

Don't you hate...

"No, I'm not the first in my family to attend college. But I am the first at an Ivy."

Scientists continue their research on the Hippocampus.

'I see you have extensive experience eating, sleeping, and mating. That puts you two steps ahead of all the college graduates who have applied.'

College of Liberal (not in the political snese) arts.

"I think our daughter should change her major. She can now ask for money in 3 different languages!"

"Mom, Dad, college changed me."

Southwick College: Basically, for the most part, usually - a meritocracy.

'I suspected hackers when it accepted all the student scholarship applications.'

Popular college book: How to say 'Send money' in 101 languages.

'Wow, that sounds rigorous. What are the prerequisites for living in my mom's basement?'

'Dude, you gotta lay off the Mac n' Cheese!'

'I'm at that awkward age when I can't read my own handwriting. Do they teach penmanship in college?'

'So, in college what did you major in' - 'Business poetry.'

Little known fact: I spent a semester at Reed College in Portland. "Little known facts" are supposed to be momentous. Well, the little known fact is, while I was there, I asked a lady out

That's Roderick Sloan, the Alvin Meriwether professor of business administration, and with him is Alvin Meriwether, the Roderick Sloan professor of economics.

'Nots so hot on my SATS, but I aced my STDS.'

"Don’t you just love professor Dahl’s lectures on Tibetan rawhide?"

'9K a year!? It's an outrage! At my level of attendance that's 3K per lecture!'

Undergraduate and don