College Comedy Crew T-Shirts

'We don't have energy-efficient appliances but the food in the 'fridge has gone green.'

Grad School Parent-Teacher Conference

"I still haven't decided if I want to be unemployed as an English major or as a Communications major."

'It's rather unorthodox, but it appears the deposit refund on the empties will cover your first interest payment.'

"Yes Dad, I passed math and now I'm passing chemistry and physics."

Math 101, for those who can only count to 100.

'It says I missed freshmen Orientation and I have to take it in summer school in order to graduate.'

'I hope I run out of money before I flunk out.'

'I'm majoring in communication and minoring in pizza delivery - What about you?'

'Mutation and natural selection? - That sounds awfully STRESSFUL!'

'When I was studying animal husbandry, I met the animal who became my husband.'

"And just how do you expect to become a made man, son, without a solid liberal-arts education?"

'I'm on the short degree course... hell of a lot to pack into one year!'

"No, I'm not the first in my family to attend college. But I am the first at an Ivy."

Don't you hate...

Scientists continue their research on the Hippocampus.

'I see you have extensive experience eating, sleeping, and mating. That puts you two steps ahead of all the college graduates who have applied.'

College of Liberal (not in the political snese) arts.

"I think our daughter should change her major. She can now ask for money in 3 different languages!"

'I suspected hackers when it accepted all the student scholarship applications.'

"Mom, Dad, college changed me."

Southwick College: Basically, for the most part, usually - a meritocracy.

Popular college book: How to say 'Send money' in 101 languages.

'Wow, that sounds rigorous. What are the prerequisites for living in my mom's basement?'

'I'm at that awkward age when I can't read my own handwriting. Do they teach penmanship in college?'

'Dude, you gotta lay off the Mac n' Cheese!'

'So, in college what did you major in' - 'Business poetry.'

"Don’t you just love professor Dahl’s lectures on Tibetan rawhide?"

That's Roderick Sloan, the Alvin Meriwether professor of business administration, and with him is Alvin Meriwether, the Roderick Sloan professor of economics.

Undergraduate and don

'9K a year!? It's an outrage! At my level of attendance that's 3K per lecture!'

'Nots so hot on my SATS, but I aced my STDS.'

"I have to read this disclaimer: Any opinions expressed in this course belong to the professor and do not necessarily mean the university is left-wing."