Campus Satirist Gifts

Publish or Perish: 'Welcome to the Team. Remember, if you follow the University Motto, you'll do fine...'

"I'm afraid you lack the power to exile a professor to a branch campus."

"This is Professor McPhee, sir -- he wants to start a 'plump studies' department."

"I still haven't decided if I want to be unemployed as an English major or as a Communications major."

'Our admission policy is now simplicity itself. If you have the tuition, you're in.'

'It's rather unorthodox, but it appears the deposit refund on the empties will cover your first interest payment.'

College. Did you pick a major yet? I'm doing a double major in art and logic --- I want to draw my own conclusions!

Molecular Biology and Cosmology buildings

"Yes Dad, I passed math and now I'm passing chemistry and physics."

Math 101, for those who can only count to 100.

'I got 100 in school today. 50 in history and 50 in maths.'

Professor Wiles grows insufferable.

'It says I missed freshmen Orientation and I have to take it in summer school in order to graduate.'

'I hope I run out of money before I flunk out.'

'I'm majoring in communication and minoring in pizza delivery - What about you?'

'So what are you studying, young man?'

What do MD and PHD mean? It means the doctor owes a lot of money in student loans.

"Professor, we need you to stop. The Student Union has decided that the earth is flat."

'The reason the core curriculum seems so ambiguous is that we dot really have a core curriculum.'

'I have answers to the kind of questions no one likes to ask.'

'When I was studying animal husbandry, I met the animal who became my husband.'

T.S. Eliot lacks the courage to eat a peach.

"... And don't come back until you're ready to get funny."

'I'm on the short degree course... hell of a lot to pack into one year!'

Don't you hate...

'Yes, your papers seem to have lots of citations, but I've checked: They're all self-citations...'

Scientists continue their research on the Hippocampus.

'I see you have extensive experience eating, sleeping, and mating. That puts you two steps ahead of all the college graduates who have applied.'

"Guess what. School is presented without commercial interruption."

"What did you study in school today, Gracie?"

"I wanted to deliver a message of hope and tolerance in a complex global society but I decided to update them on the Kardashians instead."

"Professor Van Winkle, the university has instituted Reevaluation of Tenure, time to wake up."

College of Liberal (not in the political snese) arts.

'If asked, we should all agree that this seminar never happened.'

Popular college book: How to say 'Send money' in 101 languages.