Satirical Student Gifts

Mrs. Ginder like to subtly call attention to those students who performed poorly on her tests.

'Our admission policy is now simplicity itself. If you have the tuition, you're in.'

Molecular Biology and Cosmology buildings

'I got 100 in school today. 50 in history and 50 in maths.'

Need Supercomputer to finish my PhD, Please Help.

'Simpson! Stop causing low-level disruption in class now!'

What do MD and PHD mean? It means the doctor owes a lot of money in student loans.

"Ok... for today I want a 500-word essay on what you know about nothing."

"Professor, we need you to stop. The Student Union has decided that the earth is flat."

'The reason the core curriculum seems so ambiguous is that we dot really have a core curriculum.'

'I have answers to the kind of questions no one likes to ask.'

Our college is tuned to the students' every need! Campus Visits. We have body image awareness week. Safe sex awareness week. Bullying, drug use and tolerance awareness weeks. What did I miss? Welcome. History, math or English awareness week? Great idea. I'll suggest that.

"Tell me, Frankie, what time is it?"

T.S. Eliot lacks the courage to eat a peach.

"Before we decide if you can get in we have to watch a film review of your life..."

"... And don't come back until you're ready to get funny."

"Yes, but you were the defender of the wrong faith."

'Yes, your papers seem to have lots of citations, but I've checked: They're all self-citations...'

"Guess what. School is presented without commercial interruption."

"We're going to run some tests: bloodwork, a cat-scan and the S.A.T.'s."

'The first person to learn anything leaves immediately!'

'If asked, we should all agree that this seminar never happened.'

"I don't know about you, but I don't like being a high school guidance counselor."

'Too many students taking Mickey Mouse subjects.'

"Every sixth grade substitute is offered an optional cyanide pill."

Monkey Business College

'No Mis Evans. You know only substitute teachers are allowed to carry taser guns!'

"When I said my teacher had no class I meant class was canceled."

'They've all tested positive for stress.'

'After reviewing my student loans, I wrote my thesis on deficit spending.'

'I didn't exactly write the article, but...well, I didn't exactly do the research either.'

'I wish you had chosen a more pertinent educational issue than 'Do Dogs Actually Eat Homework?''

'We need a biology instructor, Darwin, and you're the natural selection.'

Cash For Places - Penbroke College

Precisely Inprecise