School Run Humor Gifts

"I'm the last to go home because my parents are still fine tuning their work-life balance."

"I will not lick the principal, I will not lick the principal, I will not lick the principal, I will not lick the principal, I will not lick the principal."

"If a third grader knows the answer, how much of a problem can it really be?"

"So, what's gonna be your favorite class?"

'Right, who threw that?' (giant pupil in class).

"I lost my taste for his homework when it came burned on a CD."

'I made a good grade in creative writing, but I didn't do very well in creative spelling.'

"Where were you between 4 and 6?"

"I'm sorry. I don't have yours. My dog ate your homework."

"I flunked out of cooking school. Even the dog won't eat my homework."

'In Show and Tell today, I showed my birthmark! I got expelled!'

Li'l Bill meets destiny.

'You're flunking me? -- What about the statute of limitations?'

Monitor lizard becomes milk monitor.

"Some school - They teach us about the Fifth Amendment, but they won't let us use it on TESTS!"

'Hi Dad. I want you to meet Mr. Hacketal, my attorney.'

"A simple note from your mother would have sufficed, Tommy."

"I think the teacher who says that I got into trouble today is part of the fake news conspiracy."

The Ekert Saga: 'Ah, another week of school begins...might as well try to make the most of it!...You're crampin' my style, Ekert.'

'School was really exciting today -- they busted up a meth lab in chemistry class.'

'Ms. Blumter, please get me a copy of Educational Leadership for Dummies.'

"I DO have a note from my doctor...but nobody can read it!"

'I thought chemistry experiments were after lunch.'

'I don't think much to faith school dinners.'

"The principal has sat in on so many of my classes, I'm thinking of giving him the exam."

'I think the computer has a crush on me. It asked me to remain after class.'

"I thought those D's meant dedicated!"

'We can't get rid of her - she has tenure.'

"Hi, Mom - We learned in school today that ethics and morality are stupid and old-fashioned."

'Division is just like addition except you have to use a different button on the calculator.'

'It's in case I need a laugh track.'

'The dog won't eat my homework.'

"We're having a make up test at school. Can I borrow your mascara?"

'How do you like that? We just get through the alphabet and she starts hauling in the heavy artillery!'

"I'm subcontracting math, spelling and geography to my smart phone."