Backyard Humorist Gifts

"Well, I thought I'd give fencing a try, but I sucked at it."

"And that's why I don't have a steaming pile of s**t in my back yard."

'Keep me informed of the herds' mood.'

"No, I like the plan. Just saying, have you ever done any actual tunnelling?"

I'm prepared to admit that you may have startled me a bit, sure!

'Henrietta is so self-confident.'

'Your fancy new grill works great. . .and we didn't even have to turn it on.'

'Ugh Look The whole garden is just one giant cat toilet'

'How many times have I told you not to hit the ball with your head?'

'You shouldn't have taken that personal pension.' 'You shouldn't have taken that endowment mortgage.' 'When do you get your free tv license?' Job's comforters, today.

I fart more than that!

'Some dogs are meant to be working dogs and some aren't.'

'Pass the salt, will ya, buddy?'

'Mother, there's something you're not telling me about that alien invasion, I can feel it!'

A Venus cow trap.

"Static cling."

"When will somebody cut the grass?"

"Don't be so dramatic. You tell me you're pregnant every day?"

'You certainly went to town growing all that lettuce so I've dressed for dinner.'

"Since you had so much fun with the Home Equity Loan I gave you, this year's stocking will be filled with a shiny new Notice of Foreclosure."

"There's got to be a better way to raise potatoes!"

"Obi-Wan Kenobi. You're our only hope."

Flamingo on a bird table feeding from a shrimp container.

"Actually, 'Loss of Limb' would be covered under your homeowners policy."

"That was definitely mine."

'These spare Christmas decorations make perfect bird scarers.'

'If I don't use the charcoal grill, I get a carbon offset and the fire department gets a day off.'

Emergency room doctor about half cow: 'Farming accident. Be sensitive - she's beside herself.'

'MEN! We've got a fire at the cattle shed! Do we want rare, medium or well done?'

"That's... yikes. I mean... what's even going on down there? Honey, I don't think a push-up bra is very flattering on you."

'Um. . . I don't think that's a candy bar.'

Annual flower having a mid-life crisis in July

Worse case of chicken pox I've ever seen!