Backyard Humorist Pillows

"Well, I thought I'd give fencing a try, but I sucked at it."

"And that's why I don't have a steaming pile of s**t in my back yard."

'Keep me informed of the herds' mood.'

"No, I like the plan. Just saying, have you ever done any actual tunnelling?"

I'm prepared to admit that you may have startled me a bit, sure!

'Ugh Look The whole garden is just one giant cat toilet'

'Henrietta is so self-confident.'

'How many times have I told you not to hit the ball with your head?'

'Your fancy new grill works great. . .and we didn't even have to turn it on.'

'Some dogs are meant to be working dogs and some aren't.'

I fart more than that!

'You shouldn't have taken that personal pension.' 'You shouldn't have taken that endowment mortgage.' 'When do you get your free tv license?' Job's comforters, today.

"When will somebody cut the grass?"

"Static cling."

'Pass the salt, will ya, buddy?'

'Mother, there's something you're not telling me about that alien invasion, I can feel it!'

A Venus cow trap.

"Gerald converted the barbecue grill to natural gas."

"Don't be so dramatic. You tell me you're pregnant every day?"

'You certainly went to town growing all that lettuce so I've dressed for dinner.'

"Obi-Wan Kenobi. You're our only hope."

"Since you had so much fun with the Home Equity Loan I gave you, this year's stocking will be filled with a shiny new Notice of Foreclosure."

Flamingo on a bird table feeding from a shrimp container.

"There's got to be a better way to raise potatoes!"

"That was definitely mine."

"Actually, 'Loss of Limb' would be covered under your homeowners policy."

'These spare Christmas decorations make perfect bird scarers.'

Emergency room doctor about half cow: 'Farming accident. Be sensitive - she's beside herself.'

'If I don't use the charcoal grill, I get a carbon offset and the fire department gets a day off.'

"That's... yikes. I mean... what's even going on down there? Honey, I don't think a push-up bra is very flattering on you."

'MEN! We've got a fire at the cattle shed! Do we want rare, medium or well done?'

'Ok, this sty is great and all, but can we get some huge explosions? Wilbur, could you say 'it's about to get real'?'

'Um. . . I don't think that's a candy bar.'

Cow in a vest: Well, I think I look like Bruce Willis!

Shocking cows and chickens with the ingredients of the cake.