Lawn Humorist Gifts

"Yes but what if you cut the grass and there isn't a nuclear war?"

Garden gnomes - one using weedkiller

"Ey up, guys! Here comes the slaughter mower - everyone Duck!"

Keep Off The Plastic Grass

'Couldn't Peter claim Mr. McGregor's garden was an 'attractive nuisance?'

'Keep me informed of the herds' mood.'

Man painting over a 'You are here' sign.

"No, I like the plan. Just saying, have you ever done any actual tunnelling?"

'Go on, Andy, it's high time anteaters learned size isn't everything!'

'Darling - I think it's time to stop feeding the birds.'

'That's one hell of a cat-flap Harry. You must have a big cat, heh, heh.'

Grizzly bears are gregarious animals.

'Henrietta is so self-confident.'

Yet another law of the jungle: 'Absolutely NO howling at the moon after 11 PM!

Try me/try me/try me...

'How many times have I told you not to hit the ball with your head?'

'Ugh Look The whole garden is just one giant cat toilet'

"Jeepers, I didn't know anything could gets so hot!"

"Get out of my face!"

'Some dogs are meant to be working dogs and some aren't.'

"...and she said 'MOO!'"

'Pray for me.'

"I'm fascinated by body language."

"Did you just do a rooster?"

Slug Bait- snails love it

"When will somebody cut the grass?"

'Mother, there's something you're not telling me about that alien invasion, I can feel it!'

'We have Vanilla, Chocolate and Strawberry on your choice of Cedar, Oak or Elm cone...'

"Toadstool you say? No, this is snailstool now!"

'Pass the salt, will ya, buddy?'

"So, I've heard you call yourself 'King of the Jungle'! Based on what criteria exactly?"

"Static cling."

'Zeb, don't you reckon it's time you took that pig into town and traded him for some decent Wi'-Fi?'

"Promise me that if I die first you won't eat me."

Just a little seasoning...