Lawn-loving Humorist Gifts

Stone Crop

'Keep me informed of the herds' mood.'

'Ugh Look The whole garden is just one giant cat toilet'

"When will somebody cut the grass?"

'You certainly went to town growing all that lettuce so I've dressed for dinner.'

Tree Mobsters. 'I didn't hear anything. Did you hear anything?' 'I didn't hear anything.'

Flamingo on a bird table feeding from a shrimp container.

'That GMO gene salesman was darn right!'

"There's got to be a better way to raise potatoes!"

'These spare Christmas decorations make perfect bird scarers.'

"I guess it must be that new growth hormone the farmer gave me!"

'Um. . . I don't think that's a candy bar.'

'Ok, this sty is great and all, but can we get some huge explosions? Wilbur, could you say 'it's about to get real'?'

"I was hoping Calvin would grow up to be top sirloin..."

The Sensitive Dude.

Shocking cows and chickens with the ingredients of the cake.

Boy squashed under lawn roller.

Annual flower having a mid-life crisis in July

Worse case of chicken pox I've ever seen!

Bird baths with two different kinds of water - sparkling and still.

Man is injured transporting cacti.

Bird feeder being used by vultures.

"I call it 'Moona Lisa'."

"Well, I thought I'd give fencing a try, but I sucked at it."

"Must've planted those seeds upside down..."

'Fred's opinion of crab grass is if you can't beat it, join it.'

'Oh quit griping and be thankful we even got a bonus this year!'

'The grass is always greener on the other side seed'.

'It's only a slug Norman.'

God builds the first lawn mower.

'Just so you know, leaning on a rake and looking at the sky is not 'yard work', and thus may not be entered into your 'I do so help around the house' defense.'

'We want the garden to be stamped with my husband's personality.'

'Everybody's entitled to have a hobby. Mine's growing grass.'

Crazy paving company.

'What if your tree grows, Burl? Won't it choke to death?'