Lawn-loving Humorist Gifts

Stone Crop

'Keep me informed of the herds' mood.'

'Ugh Look The whole garden is just one giant cat toilet'

"When will somebody cut the grass?"

"There's got to be a better way to raise potatoes!"

Tree Mobsters. 'I didn't hear anything. Did you hear anything?' 'I didn't hear anything.'

'That GMO gene salesman was darn right!'

'You certainly went to town growing all that lettuce so I've dressed for dinner.'

Flamingo on a bird table feeding from a shrimp container.

'These spare Christmas decorations make perfect bird scarers.'

"I guess it must be that new growth hormone the farmer gave me!"

"I was hoping Calvin would grow up to be top sirloin..."

The Sensitive Dude.

'Um. . . I don't think that's a candy bar.'

Boy squashed under lawn roller.

Worse case of chicken pox I've ever seen!

Annual flower having a mid-life crisis in July

"Well, I thought I'd give fencing a try, but I sucked at it."

"I call it 'Moona Lisa'."

Bird feeder being used by vultures.

Bird baths with two different kinds of water - sparkling and still.

Man is injured transporting cacti.

'Fred's opinion of crab grass is if you can't beat it, join it.'

"Must've planted those seeds upside down..."

'The grass is always greener on the other side seed'.

'Oh quit griping and be thankful we even got a bonus this year!'

'It's only a slug Norman.'

'Just so you know, leaning on a rake and looking at the sky is not 'yard work', and thus may not be entered into your 'I do so help around the house' defense.'

"When is it time to stop smelling the roses and suck up the nectar?"

'Everybody's entitled to have a hobby. Mine's growing grass.'

Crazy paving company.

A flower beats up another flower - Genetically Engineered plants tend to be more aggressive than naturally grown ones.

'Mr. President, you have a phone call. It's the First Hen.'

'What if your tree grows, Burl? Won't it choke to death?'