Backyard Banterer Pillows

"There are no skeletons in the closets but you might have trouble with those in the back yard."

"It only goes forwards and backwards. So, you won't need a GPS."

Cow talking to dog: 'What...You eat your own...?!'

'Sometimes, I wonder if Master realizes we are dogs: He always says 'good boy, good boy'...'

'Your fancy new grill works great. . .and we didn't even have to turn it on.'

"Stick with me baby, and you'll eat slop every day."

Gardener's Calendar: Try to put the other things back...

"You're living in a fantasy world, Nelly. Farmer Dave doesn't know you're alive. Plus, he's a human being, he's married, he's the church pastor and he's secretly gay."

'First give me the food - then you get the egg.'

'I told you that rock wall climbing would be useful. I'll get our ball back with no trouble at all.'

'The birdseed's okay. But I just like driving 'em crazy.'

'If I don't use the charcoal grill, I get a carbon offset and the fire department gets a day off.'

'I've decided I'm going to be a fireman when I grow up.'

'This is what Jack and me have managed to create so far...all you have to do is add your poop to the top and we have a field record!'

"The pH level seems a little off."

Leaf-Blowers: Loudly making yardwork someone else's problem since the 1960s.

'That hussy. She's always first in line for insemination.'

Leaves drop from trees and bounce off a trampoline.

"Thanks for inviting us over to try out your new hot tub!"

Beer Garden Kit

"Well, I thought I'd give fencing a try, but I sucked at it."

Tom, you may not want to pause so long at the top of your swing.

'Times sure have changed. When I was your age, I made them from scratch.'

'It really is nice to eat out once in a while!'

'John... is that a collar?'

"It's a victory garden. And the weeds have won."

"Well, I'll be darned. It does come with its own creature."

"She said they were going out back to look for dinosaurs."

"I hear the food's good. But try to get a table."

"If she's going to be off school for a while, we need to make sure she's not stuck in the house all day."

'Jenkins, when was the last time you cleaned out the barn?'

'Dad, I didn't know you were into sculpture.'