Barnyard Banterer Gifts

'The kids in the barnyard called me a 'turkey'!'

"Stick with me baby, and you'll eat slop every day."

'Wow, not bad! The only thing I'm likely to inherit is a pigsty...'

"Next time you score show a little respect and don't spike uncle Frank so hard."

Moo! OOM!

"You're living in a fantasy world, Nelly. Farmer Dave doesn't know you're alive. Plus, he's a human being, he's married, he's the church pastor and he's secretly gay."

'First give me the food - then you get the egg.'

Police Cow!

'This is what Jack and me have managed to create so far...all you have to do is add your poop to the top and we have a field record!'

'Remember, chew every bite 32 times.'

'That hussy. She's always first in line for insemination.'

"Come off it, you're not working from dawn till dusk: You're working at dawn and at dusk..."

You can always tell animals trained by 4H kids.

Wife to husband dressed as pantomime cow: 'I know you're exhausted, love, but at least the panto season is now ... BEHIND YOU!!'

'Your barn door's open.'

'With a herd of three cows it doesn't take long for inventory, does it, Dad?'

"I not only have to wake up the cows, I have to wake up the rooster."

'Oi! We're your nipples you idiot!'

"I didn't mean to trample him. How do you say 'my bad' in human?"

"I'm tired of having to apologize for the condition of the house."

'I forgot to tell you Neddy's not 'broken-in' yet...!'

'Is it slop yet?'

"We need less cowbell!"

'Orchestra Pit Bull.'

'No. I insist. You first.'

"Dad...how do you know when to stop?"

'Jenkins, when was the last time you cleaned out the barn?'

'First of all, I want you to know that my door is always open...'

'I have to face it Irma, I haven't laid an egg in a week now: I'm menopausal...'

'Abandon Sheep.'

Sheep Ballast

'Come on girls, can you at least pretend I rule the roost when the farmer is around...'

"I just try to do my part- camembert, brie, Velveeta - Those are marketing decisions.''

Throw another hedgehog on the fire, would you pet?