Barnyard Comedian Gifts

"I don't want to worry you, but this years prize winning pig, usually ends up as next years prize winning sausages."

"So how do we know if they've got this helium virus?"

Sheep Ballast

"You're free to range. Just stay away from that Tiffany—she's trouble."

"Next time you score show a little respect and don't spike uncle Frank so hard."

...and finally, there will be no more pogoing in the farmhouse!

'A Cow with REALLY bad breath'.

She doesn't get on with other udders!

Moo! OOM!

'You might as well be a cheerful giver, they're going to get it anyhow.'

'Hawkins, this is very important. Do you remember which cow kicked you?'

'With a herd of three cows it doesn't take long for inventory, does it, Dad?'

"Honest dear, those other 39 hens don't mean a thing to me!"

"Stick with me baby, and you'll eat slop every day."

Police Cow!

'This is what Jack and me have managed to create so far...all you have to do is add your poop to the top and we have a field record!'

'Remember, chew every bite 32 times.'

Wife to husband dressed as pantomime cow: 'I know you're exhausted, love, but at least the panto season is now ... BEHIND YOU!!'

You can always tell animals trained by 4H kids.

"Come off it, you're not working from dawn till dusk: You're working at dawn and at dusk..."

Ham-Dram

'Your barn door's open.'

"I not only have to wake up the cows, I have to wake up the rooster."

'Oi! We're your nipples you idiot!'

"I didn't mean to trample him. How do you say 'my bad' in human?"

'What's that smell?'

"I'm tired of having to apologize for the condition of the house."

'I've been experiencing a lot of deja moo.'

"We need less cowbell!"

'Is it slop yet?'

'First of all, I want you to know that my door is always open...'

'Orchestra Pit Bull.'

'No. I insist. You first.'

"Dad...how do you know when to stop?"

'I forgot to tell you Neddy's not 'broken-in' yet...!'