Backyard Gossip Enthusiast Gifts

"My Gary is such a thoughtful husband! First he walked the dog, then prepared the duck for lunch. It was a fantastic meal, wasn't it?"

"Want me to talk to the squirrel's mother, or would you prefer to handle it on your own?"

Beginning Yarder.

"You're living in a fantasy world, Nelly. Farmer Dave doesn't know you're alive. Plus, he's a human being, he's married, he's the church pastor and he's secretly gay."

"You see a bunny rabbit in the clouds. I see mom telling me to mow the lawn."

"Well, I thought I'd give fencing a try, but I sucked at it."

'Hey, look�The carnival must be in town'

"Okay, if it hits the wall it's a triple, and if it goes through Mr. Baker's window, that's a home run."

'Looks like housing starts are up.'

Human males marking territory.

"How?"

"When the heck did leaf blowers become grass blowers?!"

"He burns the first one as a sacrifice to the barbecue gods."

Boy: 'DAD, the lawnmower's started SMOKING again!'

Leaves.

The Life of a Sentient Rock

"So does George still enjoy his woodworking?"

'John... is that a collar?'

'Oh, yeah? Wanna bet my Dad has more passwords than your Dad?'

Avoid Constant Borrowing

"Is that Penny I smell? It's been so long... Hold on, is this Dougie? No way! That crazy mongrel, he is nuts! I remember that time he chased those kids on skateboards all the way down Cliff Street. Wait, is this Rosie?!"

"I hear the food's good. But try to get a table."

'Bloody Joneses! Just because we've put in a new fishpond...'

Gardening for Beginners

'Don't give me that! I know for a fact, he was in my flowerbeds!!'

Dave always likes to amuse himself by accusing the sausages of heresy before he throws them on the fire!

"As weed-whackers go, it's a little quiet for my taste."

"And that's why I don't have a steaming pile of s**t in my back yard."

"We climbed three thousand feet up Mont Blanc to get that one."

"Did you get some work done?"

Brad! Who's that singer I cry to when I'm drunk?

'Got'a be done I s'pose.'

"Wow, the gossip is that these guys are not mere birdwatchers, they're professional ornithologists here to study us! What an honour!"