Backyard Gossip Enthusiast Gifts

"My Gary is such a thoughtful husband! First he walked the dog, then prepared the duck for lunch. It was a fantastic meal, wasn't it?"

"He can't decide which one he likes best. . .His leaf blower, his weed wacker, or his metal detector."

"Want me to talk to the squirrel's mother, or would you prefer to handle it on your own?"

Beginning Yarder.

"Gerald converted the barbecue grill to natural gas."

Lawn Order. It's a landscaping show about maintaining a tidy yard.

"You're living in a fantasy world, Nelly. Farmer Dave doesn't know you're alive. Plus, he's a human being, he's married, he's the church pastor and he's secretly gay."

"You see a bunny rabbit in the clouds. I see mom telling me to mow the lawn."

"When the heck did leaf blowers become grass blowers?!"

'Hey, look�The carnival must be in town'

'Looks like housing starts are up.'

"Okay, if it hits the wall it's a triple, and if it goes through Mr. Baker's window, that's a home run."

"Well, I thought I'd give fencing a try, but I sucked at it."

Human males marking territory.

"How?"

"He burns the first one as a sacrifice to the barbecue gods."

'John... is that a collar?'

Boy: 'DAD, the lawnmower's started SMOKING again!'

The Life of a Sentient Rock

Leaves.

"So does George still enjoy his woodworking?"

'Oh, yeah? Wanna bet my Dad has more passwords than your Dad?'

Avoid Constant Borrowing

"I hear the food's good. But try to get a table."

"Is that Penny I smell? It's been so long... Hold on, is this Dougie? No way! That crazy mongrel, he is nuts! I remember that time he chased those kids on skateboards all the way down Cliff Street. Wait, is this Rosie?!"

'Bloody Joneses! Just because we've put in a new fishpond...'

Gardening for Beginners

'Don't give me that! I know for a fact, he was in my flowerbeds!!'

"And that's why I don't have a steaming pile of s**t in my back yard."

"Did you get some work done?"

Dave always likes to amuse himself by accusing the sausages of heresy before he throws them on the fire!

Brad! Who's that singer I cry to when I'm drunk?

"We climbed three thousand feet up Mont Blanc to get that one."

"As weed-whackers go, it's a little quiet for my taste."

'Got'a be done I s'pose.'