School Satire Gifts

'You'd like an admission? Well it's a lousy school and been in special measures for years. . .'

'Simpson! Stop causing low-level disruption in class now!'

What do MD and PHD mean? It means the doctor owes a lot of money in student loans.

"I sincerely hope you learned a lesson this time, Mark. Drawing cartoons on your homework will get you nowhere in life."

'The reason the core curriculum seems so ambiguous is that we dot really have a core curriculum.'

'I have answers to the kind of questions no one likes to ask.'

"Tell me, Frankie, what time is it?"

"... And don't come back until you're ready to get funny."

'Child labor laws don't apply to homework, Jimmy.'

"Guess what. School is presented without commercial interruption."

'The first person to learn anything leaves immediately!'

Teacher's pet dog

'Will this help me get into law school?'

'No Mis Evans. You know only substitute teachers are allowed to carry taser guns!'

"I don't know about you, but I don't like being a high school guidance counselor."

"When I said my teacher had no class I meant class was canceled."

"Every sixth grade substitute is offered an optional cyanide pill."

'They've all tested positive for stress.'

'I can understand you getting upset when they make fun of your little arms, but eating your classmates is not the answer.'

"You are here, but you should be in class!"

Students renaming 'in' and 'out' trays with 'shake it all about'.

"Let me know if that level of medication is effective. And if we need to, we can give some to the student as well."

'Can I go home now, before I get overeducated?'

"Maybe school's a good thing... I mean...where else do hundreds of people with similar backgrounds come together under one roof...all following a daily routine...with guidance and supervision to better themselves and society? Ya know...besides prison?"

'Don't I even get to enter a plea?'

'Teacher says I don't pay attention, I have no retention but I'm great at detention.'

"You like woodwork class then, son?"

'...All I can say is, the judge was adamant about his gag order on the case.'

'You realize, don't you, that you are playing fast and loose with my self esteem?'

'It's the new guidance counselor. He's lost.'

'Ms Phipps! Joey accidentally brought his grandmother's cream cheese and cucumber sandwich for lunch! Call 911!'

"Unruly, talking back, lack of respect...and that's just the parents."

'I don't think it was a very productive year for Ms. Read. We learned to use all twenty six letters, and she only learned to use the 'C'.'