Educational Satire Gifts

"I wanted to deliver a message of hope and tolerance in a complex global society but I decided to update them on the Kardashians instead."

Ethics exam cheater.

'Simpson! Stop causing low-level disruption in class now!'

What do MD and PHD mean? It means the doctor owes a lot of money in student loans.

"Of course I failed you — your essay was original and unique and obviously written by a human."

'The reason the core curriculum seems so ambiguous is that we dot really have a core curriculum.'

'I have answers to the kind of questions no one likes to ask.'

"Tell me, Frankie, what time is it?"

'We built this city on Rock 'n' Roll, yeah baby. Is not an accurate assessment of our town's history.'

"And just how do you expect to become a made man, son, without a solid liberal-arts education?"

"The principal has sat in on so many of my classes, I'm thinking of giving him the exam."

"... And don't come back until you're ready to get funny."

"If you do well in your first practicum, you can move on to teaching real children."

"11th Grade Math for Nincompoops"

"Guess what. School is presented without commercial interruption."

'The first person to learn anything leaves immediately!'

J.P.Hensmore Superintendent AKA Head Honcho, The Big Guy,The Man, Numero Uno and The Big Cheese.

'No Mis Evans. You know only substitute teachers are allowed to carry taser guns!'

"When I said my teacher had no class I meant class was canceled."

'A restaurateur prepares macaroni and sells it as pasta. I want you to do the same for the educational program at your school.'

"I wish every teacher came with a warning label."

"I try to keep my classes relevant."

"I don't know about you, but I don't like being a high school guidance counselor."

"Every sixth grade substitute is offered an optional cyanide pill."

'They've all tested positive for stress.'

'I can understand you getting upset when they make fun of your little arms, but eating your classmates is not the answer.'

"Maybe school's a good thing... I mean...where else do hundreds of people with similar backgrounds come together under one roof...all following a daily routine...with guidance and supervision to better themselves and society? Ya know...besides prison?"

"...And you get hazardous pay for study hall periods."

'Think Basics.'

"Let me know if that level of medication is effective. And if we need to, we can give some to the student as well."

'Can I go home now, before I get overeducated?'

I don't need to know any math --- I'm going to be a politician.

Cash For Places - Penbroke College

Cave College: 'We offer two majors, Hunting and Gathering.'

"I dreamed I was being chased by a giant standardized test."