School Satire Seekers Gifts

I Do Not have OCD

"On a more positive note the guidance we’ve published on the services we can’t provide is published in 37 different languages."

'Simpson! Stop causing low-level disruption in class now!'

'Too late...looks like they've already been pillaged.'

What do MD and PHD mean? It means the doctor owes a lot of money in student loans.

'I'd like my £2.50 back'

'The reason the core curriculum seems so ambiguous is that we dot really have a core curriculum.'

"Tell me, Frankie, what time is it?"

'I have answers to the kind of questions no one likes to ask.'

"... And don't come back until you're ready to get funny."

"You're a physician? Let me ask you about a problem that I've been having."

How I Spent My Summer Vacation: Page One

"I should cover your ears.I'm not very good at this.'

"We've decided to convert the dungeon into studio apartments, so kill all the prisoners."

"Guess what. School is presented without commercial interruption."

"Is that legal? Can the old man force me to take a performance-enhancing drug."

"No thanks. I'm not interested in any handouts."

"I wanted to deliver a message of hope and tolerance in a complex global society but I decided to update them on the Kardashians instead."

'Would it be cruelly ironic to shape our new cholesterol medication like little eggs?'

"The subaqueous qualities of the biomorphic forms spacially undermine the larger metaphorical resonance of the mark-making."

Dinosaurs ponder fad dieting prior to extinction.

'The first person to learn anything leaves immediately!'

'And here's the toolkit.'

'YAY! PATE!'

Bluewater security man stopping baby with hood.

"Oh no, not another pandemic!"

We can safely tell the Grand Jury your campaign money isn't soft, it's al dente.

"Et tu, Killbot 9000?"

'I don't want just a bunch of 'yes' men around here! Hire a couple of women!'

"Every sixth grade substitute is offered an optional cyanide pill."

'Amy, cancel all my appointments. I have enough money.'

'You know when kids are good or bad? Are you with NSA?'

'No Mis Evans. You know only substitute teachers are allowed to carry taser guns!'

A castaway on an island with an old TV that's washed ashore, sees two men in an approaching boat marked, 'TV Licensing'.

"I don't know about you, but I don't like being a high school guidance counselor."