School Satire Lover Gifts

Life In Grade A.

'Don't I even get to enter a plea?'

'Simpson! Stop causing low-level disruption in class now!'

'I know I failed all the tests and never handed in any finished assignments. So what's your point?'

'It's a restraining order from my teacher.'

"Mr. Clark isn't here today. He called in sick of the whole thing."

'There are two concerns I have. Your son disturbs the class every day except Friday, and your son always cuts class on Friday.'

"Ah, Miss Brimsley, I ask you: Which one of us has truly failed?"

"They're trying to recruit more teachers to the school. Quick, hide the kids!"

'Ready for your performance review?'

Student wants to be excused...for the semester.

"My students aren't nearly as interested and studious as the ones on the school website."

"Let's take a picture! This might just be the world's largest aspirin bottle!"

"Try the fancy new coffee machine. It's part of the school's new teacher retention program."

"It's been redacted for security reasons."

'Have you ever considered I may not be cut out to be a student?'

"Tell me, Frankie, what time is it?"

"I wanted to warn you, my dad says if my grades don't go up, somebody is in big big trouble!"

Excluded Tray

'As a result of our last parent-teacher conference, the administration felt it was necessary to have bars installed.'

'The best advice I can give a new teacher is when a colleague asks for teaching advice, refer them to the principal. They will never ask you for advice again.'

'The first person to learn anything leaves immediately!'

"Your son has an unctuous, grasping, power-hungry quality we find unattractive in a five-year-old."

That's not my report card. That's the school's report card.

"You like woodwork class then, son?"

'...All I can say is, the judge was adamant about his gag order on the case.'

"6B meet your new form teacher."

"Just teachers' lounge will suffice, Al."

"Some of the older boys can be a bit rowdy, but I'm sure you have nothing to worry about, Mr. Smallcrotch."

'Here at Meadowcrest, we're primarily a school for parents with gifted lawyers.'

"You will like Mr. Woofard. He has an attention-deficit disorder."

Need Supercomputer to finish my PhD, Please Help.

What do MD and PHD mean? It means the doctor owes a lot of money in student loans.

"I sincerely hope you learned a lesson this time, Mark. Drawing cartoons on your homework will get you nowhere in life."

'The reason the core curriculum seems so ambiguous is that we dot really have a core curriculum.'